Sunday, March 06, 2016



What a weird season of "Inspector Morse" that was.


In the final "Downton Abbey," I'm rooting for Lady Edith to finally vanquish the Targaryens and Baratheons and ascend the Iron Throne.

Monday, February 29, 2016



There’s an old joke about a little boy who doesn’t talk. Though his parents try everything, including medical specialists, hypnotists, psychiatrists, but nothing will make the kid talk. His life is otherwise normal—he goes to school, plays with his friends, is a member of a Little League team. But he never says a word.

One day, when the boy is 10, his mother serves him soup for lunch. “The soup is cold,” the kid says.

“Oh, my God!” the mother says. “You can talk! Why haven’t you said anything before?”

“Until now,” the kid says, “everything’s been OK.”

What I’m saying is, has anyone checked Justice Thomas’s soup?

Saturday, February 27, 2016

The owls are not what they seem

From a New York Times article on workspaces. If I worked in this LinkedIn office, I would expect a dancing dwarf to tell me the gum I liked was about to come back in style.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

If only I could monetize this

It's kind of weird how credit works on the Internet. There's a story over at the AV Club about how the Coen brothers are indifferent to the highly acclaimed Fargo TV show, based on their film. The interview originally appeared in Radio Times, which is noted, but IndieWire gets the "via" link and credit. However, when you go to IndieWire, the Exclaim site gets a "via" link. And when you go to the Exclaim story, NME gets a "via" link. Finally, NME links only to the original Radio Times story. So the AV Club story is four steps away from the original story and everything in between is just a summary with absolutely nothing new to add.

So, to further this information journey, I'm going to link to the AV Club. If you pass on this information, though, remember to credit me.

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Two Faces of Dr. Lao

I have a post at the Daily Grindhouse site on George Pal's 1964 fantasy film, 7 Faces of Dr. Lao, and its source novel, Charles Finney's The Circus of Dr. Lao. Hey, why don't you click on over and maybe leave a comment or something? Thanks!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The 'Cast Next Door


Hm. How do I explain this?

There's a podcast that, just for poops and giggles, dissects the Jennifer Lopez thriller The Boy Next Door in a minute-by-minute format. Thrills! Chills! Laughs! And I'm on the episode that got posted yesterday, so go listen, OK? A second episode goes up on Sunday, and I'll post a link then.

And now, back to my crypt.

UPDATE: The second podcast is here.

Saturday, October 03, 2015

I hope Johnny Depp plays the dental implant in the inevitable movie version


Part of a very occasional series in which we improve odd descriptions of vanity press books advertised in The New York Times Book Review by adding the phrase "Wacky high jinks ensue" at the end of them. Why? Because we just want to help. Also, because Gawker is muscling in on my territory and UP WITH THAT I WILL NOT PUT, so The Velvet Blog claws its way out of its burial chamber once again. Ad copy verbatim (except for the high jinks) from the Oct. 4, 2015, issue. Consider all text (sic):
Producing 20 books and 36 patents in the field of Oral Implantology, [name redacted] has established himself as the father of Modern Implant Dentistry. My Life, Times, and Legacy accounts his lifelong commitment and pursuit for excellence, inspiration, and success. Wacky high jinks ensue.

After going through four vivid and lucid dreams where she came face-to-face with Christ and God, [name redacted], Ph.D. learned that by "being love" and living them from the heart, we essentially create heaven on earth. Join her in her journey! Wacky high jinks ensue.

Meet Mad Addie. Lovers find her special; in fact awesome. She gets the best of men; she's clear headed and maintains control of intimate situations. Men who think they've conquered, in the end are themselves conquered. And they love it! Wacky high jinks ensue.
Is that wacky enough for you, Gawker? WELL, IS IT?

Oh, and a repeat of my disclaimer, since it's been a while: It's worth restating that there is nothing wrong with going the for-pay publishing route if you know exactly what you're getting into. But many of the companies with this model are quite scummy, and take advantage of the delusional. I don't care how many ads you take out in the Times, no one is going to buy your book about the previously unknown 13th zodiac sign.

And now The Velvet Blog now returns to its well-appointed mausoleum.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

This coffe is bad.

There's a joke-writing bot that just spits this shit out, I guess?

Good times.

I really don't get Twitter. Note that all of these uses of the identically worded joke were posted at the exact same time.

(Even if the wording is changed, it's still an unoriginal joke. That doesn't bother me as much--I've made hack jokes myself--but the exact same wording?)

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

get it together twitter