What a difference a letter makes

"An account in the Soccer Report column on June 22 about Ethan Zohn, a former player in Zimbabwe who won $1 million on the CBS reality show 'Survivor: Africa' in 2002 and has capitalized on his moment of fame by starting an international nonprofit AIDS awareness foundation on the continent, misstated a word in a comment he made. Mr. Zohn said, 'We can make value judgments all we want, but through some cultural differences it has been all right for men in Africa to have multiple sex partners' --not 'all right for me.'" --The New York Times, June 29

Bad ideas for ice-cream flavors

Donald Rumsfeld Raisin
Cherry Springer
Cherry Springer Spaniel
Dulce de Lecher
Chunky Monkey Pox
Condoleezza Rice and Beans

Whew--I'm glad they make the important corrections quickly

"An article last Sunday about Ben Stiller misstated the name given to a facial expression used by his character, a male model, in the film 'Zoolander.' It is blue steel, not blue ice." --The New York Times, June 27

In other words: Yes! YES!!! Yes, I said it!!! Yes! YES!!!

CAVUTO: All right. Now, did you use the "F" word?

CHENEY: That's not the kind of language I usually use.

CAVUTO: All right, because the reports were that you did.

CHENEY: Yes, that's not the kind of language I ordinarily use.

We report, you ... ah, screw it.

"Most Americans now say that sending U.S. troops to Iraq was a mistake, a USA Today/CNN/Gallup Poll finds. For the first time, a majority also says that the war there has made the nation less safe from terrorism." --USA Today, June 24

"Even as insurgents increase their attacks in the days leading up to the June 30 handover, the public's belief that going to war with Iraq was the right thing to do is holding steady." --Fox News, June 24

Because YOU have the gel insoles, that's why

"In a just-revealed notation on a 2002 memo about interrogation tactics, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld indicated that making terrorism detainees stand for up to four hours was no biggie in the physical stress department. 'I stand for 8-10 hours a day,' Rummy scrawled. 'Why is standing limited to four hours?'" --Washington Post

Idea for a Fox reality program

Who Wants to Hump My Mom?

Suggestions for celebrity baby names

-Macadamia
-Accordion
-That Wailing Thing I Gave Birth To And The Nanny Takes Care Of
-Apple
-Roast Loin of Pork
-Wombapalooza
-Rehab
-Coco
-Frankfurter
-What Was I Thinking?
-Rance Jr.
-Prius
-Banjo
-Extra Crispy
-Bob
-Moxie CrimeFighter

Pickles

"I had mixed feelings coming [to the White House] today, and they were only confirmed by all those kind and generous things you've said. Made me feel like I was a pickle stepping into history." --Bill Clinton, June 14



I feel like a gherkin walking into the past.

No, no, no. OK:

I feel like a zucchini strolling backward through time.

All right, close, but not quite there.

I feel like a cucumber sailing through the space-time continuum.

Argh. Poetic, but just not right.

I feel like a pickle stepping into history.

Eureka!!

E-mail message of the day

You are good to client who esteems! That your mail account number still possess 15 days matures, and asks you to apply for once more either the paying expense emploing, in case you sense that what question to possess asks to the tube Grain person gets in touch with e-mail.


Who is the tube Grain person??? I MUST GET IN TOUCH WITH THE TUBE GRAIN PERSON!!!

Burnout

So how do you know if you, a loved one, or someone who reports to you is suffering from burnout? Here are the early-warning signs.

1. chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
2. anger at those making demands
3. self-criticism for putting up with the demands
4. cynicism, negativity, and irritability
5. a sense of being besieged
6. exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
7. frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbances
8. weight loss or gain
9. sleeplessness and depression
10. shortness of breath
11. suspiciousness
12. feelings of helplessness
13. increased degree of risk taking
14. chronic list-making
15. longness of breath
16. breath
19. exploding head
20. exploding head residue
21. waxy yellow buildup
22. that less-than-fresh feeling
23. exploding head residue buildup
25. the heartbreak of psoriasis
26. the inability to know when to end a gag
756. deja vu
757. deja vu
857. inability to know your ass from your elbow
75,908,374,059,183,476,098,758,906,713. using really big numbers
75,908,374,059,183,476,098,758,906,715. deja vu all over again

(With thanks to Uke3K.)

Election

There was a depressing story on NPR this morning about how models are predicting Bush will win in a landslide, based on the present state of the economy. But really, who cares who Naomi Campbell is voting for?

You know you want it

I got an e-mail today with the subject line: Vicodin: you know you want it.

And I thought, brother, you don't know the half of it.