Quotation of the day

"We advise them not to eat a 138-year-old piece of cake," said Amy Kiernan, a spokeswoman for the fair.

Ideas for antisocial love songs

--"Let's Not Get It On"
--"You Take My Breath Away (Give It Back)"
--"Baby, Your Way Leaves Me Ambivalent at Best"

Cliche watch: Reports of the death of "Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" have been greatly exaggerated

I've been seeing this one way too much lately. Please join me in helping to stamp this out:

Television: Reports of My Death are Greatly Exaggerated

Reports of radio's death are greatly exaggerated

Reports of the death of record stores have been greatly exaggerated

Reports of Sarah Palin Career Death Greatly Exaggerated

Reports of the Death of the Episcopal Church are Greatly Exaggerated

Reports of investment banking's death seem greatly exaggerated

Rumors of Glenda's demise had been greatly exaggerated

Reports of Blockbuster's death are (somewhat) exaggerated (At least there's a minor twist.)

To paraphrase Mark Twain, the reports of the death of journalism have been greatly exaggerated

The death of Miley Cyrus' "Hannah Montana" career have been greatly exaggerated

News of economy’s death greatly exaggerated

Turns out the reports of the play's demise were greatly exaggerated

Reports of the Croatian doc's demise were greatly exaggerated

Any reports of the death of roars around Augusta National are highly exaggerated

The death of the small town has been widely exaggerated

Somehow I think the reports of the end of the American newspaper have been greatly exaggerated too

Reports of the death of the Internet have been greatly exaggerated*

*An oldie, from a previous post. It was the third time I noticed this old saw used in as many days, and triggered this post. Once I started looking, it was everywhere. Rounded up w/ the help of a Google News search.

Pride and Prejudice and Woody Harrelson and Zombies

I cannot believe I missed this breaking zombie news:

Woody Harrelson's explanation for an alleged tussle with a TMZ photographer at New York City's La Guardia Airport Wednesday night is Method acting. "I wrapped a movie called Zombieland, in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued by his publicist and obtained by CNN. "With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie." --Entertainment Weekly

Makes sense to me.

Why I love The Daily Show

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Baracknophobia - Obey
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Ideas for new Peanuts specials

--Screw You, Charlie Brown
--The Universe Is Laughing Behind Your Back, Charlie Brown
--You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, But You Will Die Alone and Unloved in a Swirling Vortex of Angst and Ennui

Song of the day

Katy Perry's "Hot 'N' Cold," as reconceived by the Ukranian group Los Colorados:


This better be real.

(Via $99 Music Videos.)

Get out your black armbands

Did you know that the Internet is about to keel over? It's true! In preparation for an as-yet-to-gestate post, I discovered this story in The New York Times on the Net's imminent death:

The Internet death watch is in full dirge. According to the latest morbidity reports, national networks ... are crashing with increasing severity, packets of your precious bits are being scattered and lost throughout cyberspace, popular sites on the World Wide Web are being choked ... and overall service is degrading as hordes of tourists pile onto the Internet. ...

Even Wired magazine, known for panegyrics to the new information order, is hanging digital crepe these days. "Over the coming six to 12 months, computer users around the planet are likely to experience the Internet equivalent of the Great Blackout ...," the magazine reports in its current issue.

"These slowdowns will be more than a minor annoyance: they will challenge the future of the network," the article adds. "Businesses that depend on the Internet will find themselves cut off from their branch offices, their suppliers and their customers."

What will I do when the Internet crashes? How will I buy books when I can't reach Amazon? How will I keep up with Martha Stewart's Twitter posts? How will I remain in contact via Facebook with people I only dimly remember from high school? How will I ...

What? That Times story about the death of the Internet is from 1996? Really? The Internet is OK?

Whew! All right, then, back to work.

Brainy reading

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

Yes, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (previously discussed here) arrived in my mailbox the other day. I started it last night, and I have to say it's pretty damned funny.

Oh, good Lord, what was THAT?

I have not been watching ABC's Life on Mars, but because I knew last night was the final episode and that the concept of the series was kind of cool (modern-day policeman somehow winds up in 1973 and wants to get home--is he crazy? in a coma? something else?) I watched the last 15 minutes to see how they'd conclude it.

The series was meant to be open-ended, but when ABC canceled it for low ratings, the producers were given enough time to wrap things up, in a different way than the British version on which it was based.

Holy crap! It's like they put a copy of every Philip K. Dick novel in a Cuisinart and pushed the "Pulverize" button. I can't decide if it was stupid-brilliant or the biggest-ever F.U. to a network and its viewers in the history of television (or, at least, since the last episode of St. Elsewhere). Maybe both. Why didn't they just have the entire cast wake up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette?

The Velvet Blog would like to point out that your shoelaces are untied

The Velvet Blog also wonders if your refrigerator is running and whether you have Prince Albert in a can.

And, last, The Velvet Blog would like to offer you this can of delicious mixed nuts.

Note: Yes, a rerun.