A unicorn? A Laz-E-Boy made entirely of quarks? An entire field-dressed moose? A monkey (finally)?

I see via the Blogger interface that yesterday's post was The Velvet Blog's 1,300th. I'm really not sure what the traditional gift is for that, but I'm sure it will be very special. You'll think of something.

Oh, and the rest of SNL sucked

I know this is posted in a gazillion places, but, hey, it made me laugh.



We already knew Tina Fey looked like Sarah Palin, but, wow, she really has the vocal inflections down. (Amy Poehler ... eh, not so much.)

Still, the cafeteria is supposed to be outstanding

From a story I just edited:

The Google model involves having employees use 20% of their time for innovation. They test and grow projects. Some are nurtured and provide the company with revenue. Others are killed off.

"Do no evil" my ass.

You can can give an Earl Scheib paint job to a '76 Gremlin, but it's still a '76 Gremlin

On behalf of the magazine where I am copy chief, I'd like to retroactively apologize for this cover image, which ran in July 2006. Obviously, if we had known that two years into the future the Republican party would trademark the concept of lipstick, we would not have used it.

(Yes, it's a tech magazine. ERP = enterprise resource planning. It's ... it's ... um ... software that helps you plan resources for your enterprise.)

(Punkinsmom has some lipstick info here.)

I'm disappointed that the super-dupercollider hasn't ripped a hole in the space-time continuum, thereby turning the Earth into a puddle of gray goo

Is that wrong?

Alternative folksy sayings that The Velvet Blog offers up to the Obama campaign

--You can smear mayo on a poop sandwich, but ...
--You can can give an Earl Scheib paint job to a '76 Gremlin, but ...
--You can have Meryl Streep guest star on According to Jim, but ...

Northern exposure

Boy, it's like a banana republic with polar bears up there.


(h/t)

It's enough to make you plotz

Quotation of the day, regarding Asif Ali Zardari's controversial run for the presidency in Pakistan:

It's very common in Pakistani court systems that to avoid appearances in courts you produce medical certificates that are not really kosher. --Pakistani political analyst Shepcap Mahmoud on NPR's Morning Edition, Sept. 5

That's just meshuggeneh.

Drinking game for the Republican National Convention for those who prefer to remain completely sober

Whenever you're able to spot an African American in crowd shots, take a shot.

Worse than Manos, the Hands of Fate?

Entry in an occasional series in which we try to soften the sting of vituperative movie reviews by the addition of the phrase "Garnish with Fluffernutter." Why? Because.

Today's entry is the dire Disaster Movie, which has a 0% approval rating, according to Rotten Tomatoes.

Let's string together a few of the reviews and see what happens.

This carpet-fouling mongrel of a movie no more deserves release than do anthrax spores. ... Embarrassment. It's a feeling you should get used to, [writers] Freidberg and Seltzer. May you never befoul another cinema with your grotesque comic abortions. ... It's quite frankly stultifying that Friedberg are Seltzer are ever let anywhere near a studio boardroom after having defecated out their previous movies, much less this one. ... None of it is amusing, so there's probably enough suicide-inducing material here to make a send-up of The Happening redundant. ... No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! ... As depressing and empty a cinematic experience as any other picture this year or last (or maybe the whole decade). To label it as simply unfunny or vacuous or ugly or boring would be a compliment. ... I'm not sure if Disaster is the worst movie the boys have churned out, but, at this point, that's like asking if a bullet hurts more than a knife. ... Garnish with Fluffernutter.

See? Much better.

Word of the day

Foofaraw.