If sock monkeys ran for president

"Today in Iraq, our supermarket produce departments, America and our allies monkeys and banana lovers everywhere stand on the precipice of winning a major victory against radical Islamic extremism mushy bananas. The security gains rise in the level of produce freshness over the past year have has been dramatic and undeniable. Al Qaeda and Shia extremists Rotten bananas -- with support from external powers such as Iran substandard banana growers, including Acme Banana -- are on the run but not defeated."