Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The tale of the Lycra sniffer

Time once again for us to examine the Chandler Burr's New York Times perfume reviews. Got your smelling salts ready? Good.

From Sunday's paper:
In 1999, the perfumer Michel Almairac produced a perfume for Gucci that was -- and remains -- virtually perfect.

Not literally perfect, mind you.
Its scent is marvelously, explicitly unnatural, as if one were smelling a coat made of the most expensive Lycra.

Couldn't you just wear biking shorts? Er, the world's finest, most expensive biking shorts?
But beneath the surface, Gucci Rush runs on lactones, marvelous synthetic molecules that give off the fresh-chilled aspect of yogurt, with a hint of the plastic container it comes in.

Activia: Yogurt that makes you poop. Just dab a little on your pulse points and ...
The genius of Rush is clarity without cleanliness. ...

It's like the world's smartest hobo!
Its architectural cognate is the Bank of America Tower, now rising at Sixth Avenue and 42nd Street. The skyscraper's guts are advanced materials like slag-mixed concrete, but its facade even more closely reflects the perfume.

But have you tried spritzing an office building? It cannot be done.

Really. I've tried.
This box is angled, complex, multifaceted. Its clear glass skin is washed in a milky, pearly whiteness, keeping it both warm and cool.

It is both up and down. Night and day. Pastrami, and yet roast beef.



punkinsmom said...

I love this guy. Really.
I can think he really believes this stuff, but I hope he does. It would make him so much more interesting.

TootsNYC said...

I think he's making it up, trying to come up w/ the weirdest things he can.

Who wants to smell like bike shorts? of slag-mixed concrete?

TwoBusy said...

It's funny he said that, because my wife and I had a big fight over whether or not lactones are marvelous synthetic molecules just last weekend. I said yes, she said no.

I win!

Jim Donahue said...

My favorite is the one from a couple of months ago (click on either the "insane people" or "reviews" label) that compares a perfume with a furry animal's fetid breath, morose god exhalations, and car exhaust. (Oh, and that one and the scent reviewed above both scored five out of five stars.)

I'm thinking of reading these at an open mic night. With the right crowd, it could be a hoot.

Sue said...

Actually if he meant to "dis" the scent, he did a rather clever job of it.

Reminds me of the time when a student wrote an essay in which she explained that "virtual" meant "not really."

Alison Tyler said...

Oh, god, this was funny. But I love Chandler Burr. His descriptions of some of the perfumes are really spot on.


MsYvone said...

This guy, wears this "perfume". I'm sure of it.


MsYvone said...

Oh, and Bicycle pants man has his own traffic sign now.


Just FYI. :o)