Smoke, smoke, smoke that e-cigarette

Adventures in press releases:

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va., Jan. 21 /PRNewswire/ -- PremiumEstore, LLC has been closely monitoring the news about the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulating e-cigarettes. Today, it is excited to announce that the FDA cannot regulate electronic cigarettes, making it possible to now offer its products to national chains, and other retailers, on a wholesale basis. ...

Woo-hoo! Hurrah! Cough, cough!

Wait, what?

And, while the FDA recently gained the power to regulate tobacco-based cigarettes, electronic cigarettes don't contain tobacco, and don't fall under that regulation.

Still struggling here. What??

Electronic cigarettes provide smokers with the freedom to smoke everywhere. They are tobacco and tar free. The smoke is almost comparable to traditional cigarettes.

Ummm... OK. What???

"So, smokers can now go ahead and purchase electronic cigarettes with ease and stop smoking traditional cigarettes," says Vitali Servutas, co-owner PremiumEstore.

The e-cigarette provides smokers with the physical sensation of a cigarette without the dangerous side effects. A vapor liquid simulates smoke and a microprocessor activates an orange glowing light at the tip.

The electronic cigarette is safe to use in the house or car. There is no flame required, making it even safer than traditional cigarettes. And, it does not provide any second-hand smoke hazards. ...

Finally, we're getting somewhere. Wait ... what????

The e-cigarette is perfect for people who want to break free of the habit completely, and for smokers working in non-smoking environments.

Ah, so now I know exactly ... what????? I've read the damned press release three times and I have no clue what this thing is.

Wikipedia (so you know it's true) helps:

An electronic cigarette, also known as an e-cigarette or personal vaporizer, is a battery-powered device that provides inhaled doses of nicotine by way of a vaporized solution. It is an alternative to smoked tobacco products, such as cigarettes, cigars, or pipes. In addition to nicotine delivery, this vapor also provides a flavor and physical sensation similar to that of inhaled tobacco smoke, while no tobacco, smoke, or combustion is actually involved in its operation.

An electronic cigarette usually takes the form of some manner of elongated tube, though many are designed to resemble the outward appearance of real smoking products, like cigarettes, cigars, and pipes. Another common design is the "pen-style", so named for its visual resemblance to a ballpoint pen. Most electronic cigarettes are reusable devices with replaceable and refillable parts. A number of disposable electronic cigarettes have also been developed.

Ah. So it's an electronic nicotine delivery device in shape of elongated tube. Gotcha.

Worth pointing out that the press release mentions what it doesn't have (smoke, tobacco, tar) but not what it does: nicotine. And how exactly is it free of the dangerous side effects of smoking when nicotine is addictive? And has, you know, side effects?

Sweet Jeebus--how desperate do you have to be to use one of these things? Just man up with some Nicorette and a candy cigarette. Even that would be less ridiculous.

My advice: If you see anyone using one of these in a public space, point and laugh loudly.


UPDATE: Oh, how nice of them!:

GAINESVILLE, Fla., Feb. 9 /PRNewswire/ -- One of the most popular electronic cigarette suppliers in the United States has decided to issue a thank you to its customers this week, citing that their continued company growth is directly due to customer loyalty.

Nicotine addicts are loyal? How shocking!