Monday, February 27, 2012

Wacky high jinks: The stop-it-or-you'll-go-blind edition

Part of a very occasional series in which we improve odd descriptions of vanity press books advertised in The New York Times Book Review by adding the phrase "Wacky high jinks ensue" at the end of them. Why? Because we just want to help. Ad copy verbatim (except for the high jinks) from the Feb. 26 issue. Typos and odd punctuation should be considered (sic):
Based on the greatest true story ever recorded in ancient times, [name redacted]'s Noah's-Icy-Cataclysm revives the memory of Noah, the greatest hero to have ever lived on earth. Explore the story of the "Great Flood" through a revolutionary approach! Wacky high jinks ensue.

Oh, come on--everyone knows Chuck Norris is the greatest hero ever to have lived on earth. (Or is he fictional?)
The Wisdom Compass to Eternal Life is an enlightening book that explores the essence of prayer, the heavenly computations or Qamar, the dynamics of eternal life, and the revelation of eternal life through the spiritual compass and other pivotal spiritual topics. Wacky high jinks ensue.

The heavenly computations of Qamar? I just don't understand the new math.
Being Female is an educational instructional art book that openly discusses and explores the techniques of female masturbation. Allowing women to discover how to masturbate successfully, ease their tensions and enhance their knowledge about the reactive qualities of their bodies. Wacky high jinks ensue.

I don't recall needing an instructional art book for this. But then, I'm a guy.

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