Baby monkey update

Can you believe he's 9 days old already? God--he'll be driving soon. (Via The Associated Press.)

Smackdown: Karl Rove Vs. Dr. Mabuse

As a longtime film buff, all the recent descriptions of Karl Rove kept reminding me of something, but I couldn't quite figure out what.

Today, I realized the answer: Karl Rove is Dr. Mabuse.

Karl Rove
Dr. Mabuse

Mabuse was the antihero of several films made by Fritz Lang, in the 1920s, '30s, and '60s (and thereafter by other directors).

Here's a description (from here):

Driven by his insatiable lust for power and destruction...

Rove: Check!

he sets out to amass an illicit fortune...

Rove: Check!

take over Berlin, and destroy society en route to total world domination.

Rove: Well, I don't know about Berlin, but otherwise: Check!

Dr. Mabuse has all of the requisite traits for this ambitious career path: a brilliant, relentless criminal mind...

Rove: Check!

superhuman powers of mind-reading, hypnotism, and will-bending...

Rove: I assume so. I mean, it would explain a lot. So, check!

the savoir faire to operate smoothly amongst the social elite...

Rove: Savoir faire? Ok, this one doesn't fit.

the remorseless heart of a cold-blooded multiple murderer...

Rove: Check!

and balls of ice-cold steel.

Rove: Double check!

Rounding out his résumé, he is also a master of disguise...

Rove: Check!

To prove this point, here is Rove dressed up like his hero, The Brain:

an accomplished speculator able to manipulate the economy...

Rove: Check!

and a man who–-like all would-be world dominators worth their salt–-will stop at nothing to achieve his nefarious ends.

Rove: Check!

Oh, Karl. If only you had a little more savoir faire, you coulda been a movie star... in Germany... in the 1930s.

Rove, Rove, Rove your boat, gently up the river

I don't really have a post to go with that subject line. Except, perhaps, to ask--how did "up the river" come to mean "go to prison"?

Leaving an editorial behind at the bookstore

Couldn't help noticing the title of right-wing radio host Mike Gallagher on display at Barnes & Noble the other day. To the book's left was the new offering by Sen. Zell Miller (remember his rousing speech at the Republican convention last July?). I decided to make the Gallagher book's title completely true by moving the new Bernard Goldberg book directly to its right.

Really, when you title a book Surrounded by Idiots, you have to expect this kind of thing.

It's Baby Monkey Monday!

A zoo official holds a seven-day old Stump-Tailed macaque at the state zoological park in Gauhati, India, Saturday, July 9, 2005. Via The Associated Press

The Velvet Blog: Bringing you pictures of cute baby monkeys since June 2004^TM

(Thanks, Jovi.)

The Island of Lost Blogs

I like blogging (OK, I said was quitting, but I came back, no?), but there's an element to the whole scene I find just a little bit sad--namely, the blog not taken. Have you ever noticed how excited people are when they start one of these things? And how--very often--their first (or second) post is their last?

Months ago, I read that there were something like 15 million blogs. What's the number now? 20 million? More?

But what percentage of them have only one or two entries?

I started down this track the other day as I mulled over updating my profile. On my list of musical likes is the Fountains of Wayne. I clicked on the FoW link on my profile, which took me to all the other Blogger members who listed the band as a fave, looking to see what else, if anything, we had in common. Clicking around just the first couple of pages, I found:

Blog: Transmissions From the Space Heater
First post: April 26, 2004
Last post: April 26, 2004
Total posts: 2
Entry: This first transmission is the most dangerous, as it may give away my position, at which point it would ALL be over, my friends. Let's just hold our collective breath ("from birth to death, the only thing we share is breath"), and try to summon the courage to go on.

Blog: The Park in Tacoma
First post: May 10, 2004
Last Post: May 10, 2004
Total posts: 1
Entry: Well, here I am blogging to my blog's content. I am not sure exactly where this will eventually end up, but I will offer up some different themes I personally enjoy that may shape my blogging.

Blog: 10,000 Monkeys Can't All Be Wrong
First post: May 11, 2004
Last post: May 12, 2004
Total posts: 2
Entry: I've resisted writing a blog for a VERY long time. I mean...What's the point? Do you really want to know what kind of breakfast cereal I had? Or who cares if I was late for work?! So Why am I blogging.... I guess because I can...and who knows. Maybe someday somebody will read it.

Blog: Letters From a Distant Author
First post: May 24, 2004
Last post:May 24, 2004
Total posts: 1
Entry: While living in Morioka Japan, there's been many an opportunity to dwell on relationships. And like most who blog, I'm feeling pretty frustrated over the whole thing.

Blog: NedsdeN
First post: June 4, 2004
Last post: June 4, 2004
Total posts: 2
Entry: Hey there. My name is Ned ... I've been reading Blogs for a while and thought I would try it out and jot some of my thoughts down. Today I'm just listening to some music (Nickelback-Figured You Out), working, and trying to puzzle through an issue with Mpegs.

Blog: Vinny's Place in Space
First post: June 4, 2004
Last post: June 4, 2004
Total posts: 1
Entry: I was inspired by one of my coworker's Blogger sweatshirts (thanks Viv) to create my own Blog. I figured this might be an exciting time to start up something new. We'll see how well it goes :O) Welcome to my Blog yo, hopefully it turns out to be a fun and interesting place

Blog: Orange Post-it Note
First post: June 7, 2004
Last post: June 8, 2004
Total posts: 2
Entry: Hey, all potential blog-readers (all two of you)! I'm Laura, and I'll be your stewardess today. If you look to your left, you'll see a random blonde girl bouncing a basketball and shouting the words to 'Bright Future In Sales' [a brilliant song by Fountains of Wayne. I am lobbying to make it our national anthem.]. On her feet are fuzzy blue slippers, and surrounding her are some black mice. They worship her. If you look to your right, you'll see all of her weird friends...

Blog: Jennifer's Daily Thoughts
First post: June 8, 2004
Last post: June 10, 2004
Total posts: 2
Entry: I'm gonna try this journal thing again... hehe. If you don't know, I had one a long time ago and now I can't find it! Oh well. Nothing really exciting has happened today...


I'm not sure what to make of this. Perhaps Fountains of Wayne fans are just really shitty at follow-through.

Dumped

I feel so used.

No phone call. No "Dear Jim" letter.

Yet I've been deleted off the blogroll of a formerly regular reader.

What did I do to drive him away? Was it too much toast? Confusing Ben Affleck with the Aflac duck? (It could happen to anyone--they're equally charismatic!) Not enough pictures of cute baby monkeys? Too many pictures of Dick Cheney? (Is it even possible to have too many pictures of Dick Cheney???)

I guess I'll never know.

I wonder why the wonder falls on me

Instead of coming up with new shows along the lines of Who Wants to Hump My Mom? or Who Gets the Adorable Orphan?, perhaps the good folks (ha! ha! I crack me up.) at Fox could, every once in a while, try sticking with the good shows they accidentally broadcast.




Last year, four episodes of a show called Wonderfalls--in which inanimate objects give cryptic advice to a Niagra Falls underachiever--escaped onto the air. They were funny, unique, quirky, and thoughtful. Executives at Fox, horrified at their mistake, promptly canceled the show and stuck nine completed episodes on a shelf in the linen closet, behind the fluffy bath towels, where they thought no one would ever find them. Apparently, a mole in the organization discovered the rusting film cans and arranged for a three-disk DVD collection, with all 13 episodes. The set is available here.

Buy it. Seriously. (OK, if you don't trust me, rent it.)

Oh, and an insanely catchy theme song by XTC's Andy Partridge sweetens the deal.

You know what's wrong with Karl Rove?

I mean, other than that trying-to-take-over-the-world thing?

What's really wrong is that he's never leaked any information to The Velvet Blog. I would've taken that Valerie Plame info and turned it into something amusing and insightful. But, noooooo. He's got to leak it to Bob Novak, one of the biggest hacks in the universe.

Thanks for nothing, Karl.

Oh, and start saving up cigarettes. I hear they're still useful as currency in prison.

Suddenly, the world seems to make even less sense

Did you know that there have been five--five!--Peaches in Peaches & Herb? And that the one to have the hit with "Reunited" was Peaches #3?

What the hell is Herb doing? Burying them in the basement?

"Reunited" my ass.

This also describes a president or two, no?

"Even if he was mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren't they, and a little chance? We can't have all Brandeises and Cardozos and Frankfurters and stuff like that there." --Sen. Roman Hruska on Nixon's nomination of G. Harold Carswell to the Supreme Court

I can't believe he-who-must-not-be-named is going to be able to get in two justices. Ugh.