Yesterday's disturbing outbreak of banana-on-gorilla violence spurred me to do further research into the state of bananas--and what I found isn't pretty.
Did you realize that you sliced a clone over your Rice Krispies this morning? Yes, I mean that clone you paid for to take over your life while you ran away to that island in the Pacific, but then changed your mind when Clonie started persuading your friends that he was the original and you were the clone.
But I digress. I also mean that banana on your cereal. Did you realize it is a clone, too? It's true!
This study is bananas. Millenia of inbreeding have made the yellow fruit delicious and nutritious--but vulnerable to disease.
Scientists tracing the banana's wild family tree found that the plant hasn't crossbred for 7,000 years. In fact, bananas don't have sex at all. The typical supermarket specimen is an infertile clone with the prim name “Cavendish,” genetically identical to its banana brothers.
Creepy? Not really.
Speak for yourself, buddy.
This has given me the courage to dust off an old film proposal of mine and start contacting the studios again:
They live on an island, in a boarding school, where they're told they're "special," but they don't know why. "One day ..." they are told. "One day, you'll go to the mainland." But they have no idea that when they get there, they're going to be eaten.
I'm thinking of calling it Never Let Go of My Banana, or maybe Banana Island, or Banana Parts: The Clonus Horror.
By the way, cloning a banana isn't especially difficult. You can even do it with Jello.