Sunday, October 09, 2011

Look away, or, The Velvet Blog continues to not understand the South

I was shopping for a new wallet on Amazon when I discovered ... this: Southern Confederacy Rebel Pride Leather Wallet: Pride Of The South by The Bradford Exchange.
Let's take a look at the details:
Rebel Pride!

We're two words into the description, and already I'm flummoxed. Might was well keep going, though.
Exclusive Southern Confederacy Pride Leather Wallet Features Stirring Artwork of General Lee on the March - Renowned artist John Paul Strain's portraiture of the revered General Lee captures a glorious moment in Civil War history.

I have to be honest--I don't remember all that much about the Civil War from my high school studies, and I haven't read much about it since then. I do know Lee marched into Pennsylvania to attack Union forces and suffered a terrible defeat. Is that the march that's a glorious moment in Civil War history? I don't get why that would be celebrated. But, hey, let's move on.
Now, a Southern Confederacy pride leather wallet lets you carry memories of Lee with you wherever you go. This custom-designed wallet is crafted of genuine, hand-tooled black leather for long-lasting wear. Open the wallet to discover the words "Pride of the South" embossed into the leather alongside the CSA insignia and colorful Confederate flag art. Nothing says Rebel like this Southern Confederacy pride leather wallet, only from The Bradford Exchange.

Well, "KKK" might say something like it.
Ample pockets inside allow room for cash and cards.

Oh, I do hope you're carrying Confederate cash in that wallet. Please, please.
A clear pocket window provides convenient ID access. This Rebel pride gift is likely to generate unprecedented demand, and you won't want to miss out. Order now!

Yes, I demand ... that you not buy me this for Christmas. Demand, I tell you.


M. Bouffant said...

Proud to be pathetic losers since 1865.

Knatolee said...

The Bradford Exchange, specializing in crap since 1973...