A handy visual guide to distingishing among Count Basie, Count Chocula, and Rep. Chris Chocola, R-Ind.

Count Basie

Count Chocula

Rep. Chris Chocola, R-Ind.

Feel free to print this out for your wallet.



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Ummmm

Good Lord, I guess this means I'm blogging again (but on a reduced schedule).

I can't help it. It's like crack. Not that I have a crack problem. Now, excuse me as I go meet Whitney Houston for a "cup of coffee."


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Most depressing film commentary ever

Really, this just makes me want to weep (whole string, not just the "review" at the top).

Why wouldn't he at least put [Rosebud] in a nice case or soemthing if he liked it so much.

May they all be damned to watch nothing but movies co-starring Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin until their eyes bleed.

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Pres. Bush Prepares to Devour Baby in Misguided Attempt at Demonstrating Sanctity of Life

Film at 11.



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You know you want it

I got an e-mail today with the subject line: Vicodin: you know you want it.

And I thought, brother, you don't know the half of it.


The very first TVB post, from June 14, 2004. And on that note, I think I'm taking a blogging break for a while. Many thanks for all the kind words over the past year. Feel free to keep in touch by e-mail.



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We read the headlines (so you don't have to)

Best headline of the day: Good news on severed goat heads: Satan not involved

Dullest headline of the day: Archaeologists find Britain's oldest shoe


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Motivational speaking

New management came to visit. The choice comment (paraphrased): In this business environment, you've got to bear a lot of puppies and be willing to drown a few without getting sentimental.

Coming soon to a bookstore near you: Drowning Puppies: A Ruthless Guide to Success. I smell a best seller. Rah, rah, rah.


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Me gotta go...

...back to 1963, apparently.

In the news:

If he were still alive, Richard Berry, the man who penned the lyrics for the iconic fraternity-rock anthem "Louie Louie," might be shaking his head in disbelief.

Since he's dead, however, he's pretty much just lying there.

Berry wrote the song as a simple sea shanty about a sailor trying to get back to his lady love. But a middle school marching band in Benton Harbor, Mich., was almost banned from playing "Louie Louie" at an upcoming festival because of what the school's superintendent called "sexually explicit lyrics."

Note that they were going to play an instrumental version of the song. I'm betting this is the first time an instrumental has been banned over its lyrics.

Benton Harbor Supt. Paula Dawning reversed her decision Thursday after parents at McCord Middle School came out in support of the song.

Oddly, all of the parents showed up wearing togas.

It wasn't the first time parents and teachers questioned the song's seaworthiness as family fare. The long-simmering pop- culture controversy dates back to 1963, when the most famous version of "Louie Louie" was recorded by The Kingsmen.

The band's slurred, barely intelligible take on the song fueled rampant speculation that the lyrics were obscene, prompting a two-year FBI investigation that ended when the feds concluded they were unable to interpret any of the wording. Since then, "Louie Louie" has become one of the most recorded and requested rock songs of all time.

When you can't understand the lyrics, apparently, your filthy, filthy mind fills in the gaps.

Dawning expressed concern that the allegedly racy content of The Kingsmen's hit made it an inappropriate choice for the band to play at Saturday's Blossomtime Festival, even though the marching band was not going to sing it.

But band members and parents of McCord students complained to the Board of Education Tuesday that it was too late to learn another song in time for the festival, The Herald-Palladium of St. Joseph reported. In addition, many parents said they doubted the students even know the words to "Louie Louie," the newspaper reported. --The Chicago Sun Times

For the record, they are:

Louie, Louie,
me gotta go.
Louie, Louie,
me gotta go.

A fine little girl, she wait for me;
me catch a ship across the sea.
I sailed the ship all alone;
I never think I'll make it home

Three nights and days we sailed the sea;
me think of girl constantly.
On the ship, I dream she there;
I smell the rose in her hair.

Me see Jamaica moon above;
It won't be long me see me love.
Me take her in my arms and then
I tell her I never leave again.

And how could someone possibly misinterpret this? Well, thanks to
The Smoking Gun, we now know.

Oh Louie, Louie
Get her way down low

A fine little girl, awaiting for me
She's just a girl across the way
Well, I'll take her and park all alone
She's not a girl I'd lay at home...

It gets worse, but I'll let you explore the Smoking Gun link on your own. There are some really funny documents from when the controversy over the song exploded in 1963/1964, and the song disappeared from U.S. radio.

The only upside I can think of is that if parents are busy trying to ban "Louie, Louie," they won't have time to eliminate science from schools. (If you have to get rid of a subject, make it something everyone hates, like calculus.)



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May I give you my business card?

Well, it feels that way, anyway.


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I Am Curious (SiteMeter)

Yes, I've gone back to checking SiteMeter. What can I say? I'm helpless against its wiles.

From the SiteMeter reports, I see I've been getting hits from a reader who's accessing the Net via Caucasus.net, an Internet service provider in Georgia (the country, not the state). The time zone shows up as "Baghdad/Moscow time"--that's all I know.*

Anyway, you've got me really curious--if you return, could you drop me an E-mail (jdonahue62@yahoo.com)? Where are you? How on earth did you find The Velvet Blog?


*Don't worry, folks. I can't determine your E-mail address or anything else personally identifiable. I can, however, tell whether or not you surf the Net while naked, and all I can say is, for God's sake, put on a robe or something. Yeesh.


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Why Jennifer Wilbanks MUST be punished

Because she ran out on the wedding? No. Because she lied to police? No. Because she monopolized the media, driving out real reporting on real subjects? No. Because she fanned racism by blaming a Latino kidnapper? No.

Then, why? BECAUSE SHE HAS COMPLETELY SPOILED THE WHOLE IDEA OF TOAST.

Recently, someone put up for sale on eBay a piece of toast with an image of the Virgin Mary on it. This, for some reason, got a lot of media attention. ("Do we cover a piece of toast, or how many people died in Iraq today? Ah, let's go with the toast.") This has spawned a cottage industry of toast sellers.

We have now reached the peak (or perhaps the nadir--I can't decide) of eBay toast auctions: After one Jennifer-Wilbanks-image-on-my-breakfast-toast auction got some media play, there are now something like 123,394,239,485,293 (rough count, plus or minus 5) pieces of toast with Wilbanks' image scraped on them being auctioned online.

Thanks loads, Jennifer. I'm switching to cereal.













I have to say, though, I do like the one with the googly eyes.



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