We're bringing the war... back home!

From "How Can You Be in Two Places at Once, When You're Not Anywhere at All?":


LURLENE: I'm going out there, Morrie! Help me into this parachute!

MORRIE: No, no, honey! You can't go out there! It's too late!

LURLENE: Zip me up! It's never too late, Morrie! I'm going out there, because ...I'm bringing the war back home!

SOUND: [Cuts to a giant amphitheatre, crowd stamping and cheering]

MC: Awright, boys! Awright! Quiet down now! Here she is, that lovely piece of cake we've all been waiting for, Miss Lillie LaMont!

LURLENE [Singing]:

We're bringing the war back home,
Where it ought to have been before!
We'll kill all the bees and spiders and flies,
And we won't play in iceboxes lying on their sides!
We'll wash our hands after wee-wee,
And if we're a girl, before!
And we'll march, march, march, et cet'ra!
'Til we never do march no more!

(All together now, boys!)
We're bringing the war back home,
Where it ought to have been before!
The pretty donut girl on the corner
Will be smilin' with a wringer in her hair!
We'll wash our hands after wee-wee,
And if we're a girl, before!
And we'll march, march, march, et cetera!
'Till we don't have to march no more!

(Hum along now)


SOUND: [Crowd humming under]

NARRATOR: We'd like to express our appreciation to the United States Marines, The British Commonwealth Occupation Forces, the French Legumes, and the Hong Kong Fireworks Company, without whom all of this would not have been necessary!

LURLENE: [singing]:

We won't have to march!
We won't have to march!
We won't have to march no more!

--The always brilliant Firesign Theatre, though I never did get the "wringer in her hair" line