Thursday, December 16, 2004

Department of Corrections

--Several times over the last few months, The Velvet Blog has forecast the end of the world, based on signs such as the appearance of TV shows like Date My Mom, but the apocalypse has not yet happened. TVB regrets the error. However, Fox in January will be broadcasting a program in which a woman who was given up for adoption as a baby has to pick out her real biological father from a group of imposters, so we are very hopeful the apocalypse will be happening early in 2005.

--The Velvet Blog repeatedly forecast John Kerry's victory. George W. Bush won, and TVB deeply, deeply regrets that error, and, indeed, the errors of approximately 52% of the country.

--The Velvet Blog implied that the Republican National Committee had pictures of Sen. John McCain fucking a goat in order to blackmail him into endorsing Pres. Bush's re-election. This was incorrect. The RNC actually had pictures of Sen. McCain screwing a small sheep. The mistake seems understandable, but TVB regrets it anyway.

--The Velvet Blog stated that Sen. Zell Miller has rabies. This is not true, and TVB regrets the error. Sen. Miller is actually just a fucking nutjob.

--In the wake of Jon Stewart's comments on Crossfire, The Velvet Blog repeatedly stated that host Tucker Carlson is a dick. TVB regrets the error. Mr. Carlson is, in fact, just a wanker.

--The Velvet Blog recently implied that Yanni was overplayed on PBS during pledge drives. Actually, Yanni is also overplayed as background music for folding laundry. TVB regrets the error.

--The Velvet Blog said that the "pie goo" is not a technical baking term. Actually, it must be, as someone recently found this site by Googling the term "goo pie." And if that refers to something nasty rather than the makings of pecan pie, TVB really, really regrets the error, but doesn't want to hear about it.


Peter said...

Wait - isn't a statement true, just by being on the internet?

Anti-Blogger said...

As far as I am concerned it is ALL true. Then again...I have been diagnosed as delussional. Which I understand is normal.

Monica said...

I have a bit of respect for someone who states their views' no matter what and your blog is somewhat different and refreshing.
I hate the reality shows too, although I do have a weakness for Big Brother at times--still if one of my kids EVER put me up for Date My Mom, allowances in our house would become null and void.

Your thoughts on the 2004 election? I concur.