If sock monkeys replaced Simon Cowell

I've been known to call someone the worst singer in the world ... but you by far are the worst singer in the universe. Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf. I never want to hear that song again. I cannot stand it. I'm allergic to it. I think it was a complete and utter mess. It didn't work -- it was all over the place. You were forgetting your words. I mean, it was "We Will Rock You Gently." I really, really, really hated that. I think you just booked your plane ticket home. If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning. My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. That was terrible, I mean, just awful. You have to have a talent to progress it. This is a singing competition, not a dancing competition! You sing like Mickey Mouse on helium. You take singing lessons? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue your teacher. You and Latin music go together like chocolate ice cream and an onion. You are the worst singer in New York. You are the worst singer in America. You are the worst singer in the world. You are the worst singer I've ever heard in my life. You're useless, I'm bored -- yes or no? You can't sing; you can't dance; so what do you want me to say? You have just invented a new form of torture. You singing is like ordering a ferocious guard dog for your home and getting delivered a poodle in a leather jacket instead. You sung like you were on a dentist's chair. Hideous. Go home. You have no talent.

Now, give me that banana.

Oh, and a Coke.




(All quotes from here.)