Saturday, May 24, 2008

Oh, thinking is always optional

Part of an occasional series in which we improve depressing or odd descriptions of vanity press books advertised in The New York Times Book Review by adding the phrase "Wacky high jinks ensue" at the end of them. All ad copy verbatim (except for the high jinks) from the May 25 issue.

A Rose Petal Taking the Heat. These pages are petals sculpted in notes of polarizing love, passionate lust, and political logic. Thinking is optional. Feel the moving thoughts of this exquisite collection of poetry. Wacky high jinks ensue.

The Lost Parable of Christ. What if Jesus came not as a man of peace, but a man of war? Join Jesus, His original disciples, and a chosen army of 300 in spiritual warfare as they defeat Caesar, conquer Rome, and establish a world government of the One True God in Jerusalem. Wacky high jinks ensue.

To make sure that the high jinks are indeed wacky, what if he traveled with His capuchin monkey, Fernando? I mean, as long as we're playing "what if?" here.


Qaro said...

Here's some wacky high jinks that could ensue:

In A Rose Petal Taking the Heat, all the roses could started exploding!

In the Lost Parable of Christ, they could have Jesus come not as a man of peace, but as a man of war.

If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend.

Dave said...

Though I'm too lazy, it might be interesting to alternate lines from these reviews and the perfume ads you've featured in past posts. A Rose Petal Taking the Heat seems ready made.

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

"Feel the moving thoughts of this exquisite collection of poetry."

Mental Ex-Lax?

sgreerpitt said...

two comments:
first, this reminds me of how nearly 30 years ago, college friends and I would tack the phrase "And other fleshy delights" as a subtitle on to everything.

second, a great "what if" about Jesus is found in the wildly funny, irreverant, and yet inspiring novel "Lamb" by Christopher Moore. Imagine a teenage Yeshua with best friend Biff on a odessy of self exploration across several continents. Definitely not for easily offended Christians.

ChefNick said...

Just laughing and laughing here . . .