Google News headlines on the royal wedding, with commentary

Prince William And Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding: The Honeymoon
Please spare us documentation of the post-wedding-night bedsheets.

Catherine Middleton's Pre-Wedding Beauty Rituals
#1: Filling bathtub with money and soaking in it.

Kate and William kiss on the balcony: two smooches, one happy crowd
How many vomitings?

Royal wedding: What the music says about William and Kate
I did find the choice of Phil Collins' "Sussudio" to be an odd choice for a wedding march.

Will and Kate Colonize American TV, for a Morning
Question: In what way are Will and Kate like bacteria?

Bride's Dress Is a Flawless Success
OK, I'm getting tired of this now. Let's just stop here.

Celebrities, Sports Stars Among Royal Wedding Guests
Seriously, I don't think I can

Royal wedding viewing parties offer a taste of England
take much more of this. Hey, what the hell?

Old empire celebrates newly wedded William, Kate
Hello? Hello??

Prince William and Kate Middleton Married as Billions Look On
I am not kidding. STOP IT.

David Beckham's wife takes a hit at Royal Wedding
I can't hear you. Lalalalalala

William's eyes say yes, but his lips ... who knows?
lalalalalala.

Royal wedding: What's for lunch?
I am begging you. Begging. Please stop.

Morris: Watching William's wedding, for Diana
Oh. My. God. In the name of all that is holy...

Royal wedding adds an exciting twist to studying abroad in London
Why are you doing this? WHY WON'T YOU STOP???

10 Things We Learned From the Royal Wedding
Is this "Saw IX: The Royal Wedding Edition"? Do I have to poke my eyes out or something? Is that it?

Royal Wedding Mania Overtakes Manhattan
Because I will, you know. I will. I swear to God.

Couples wed in New York's Times Square in honour of Royals
OK, here I go...

Royal Wedding: Ke$ha, Ne-Yo And More Spill What They'd Buy William And Kate
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGGGG. Did it work? Did it work????

Will the royal wedding break the Internet?
[whimpers softly]