And they make your breath smell like flowers!

I'm listening to some vintage radio broadcasts of "Dragnet," given to me by my friend Grammarian. The shows are oddly fascinating and stylized, sounding to my ears like a weird combination of "Law & Order," Samuel Beckett, and David Mamet (minus the swearing). Equally intriguing are the commercials, mostly for Chesterfield cigarettes. Here's one, verbatim, as delivered by "Dragnet" star Jack Webb:

"Before a case goes to trial, a working detective has to get all the evidence. He interviews witnesses, takes statements, checks and rechecks. He tries to get all the facts. As a smoker, you, too, should be interested in facts. You should know, Chesterfield is the first to give you scientific data in support of smoking. Nose, throat, and accessory organs [are] not adversely affected by smoking Chesterfields--the first such report ever published about any cigarette. Remember that, and next time, buy Chesterfields."

Wow. Who would have thought smoking doesn't affect your organs' ability to accessorize?