7 a.m.: Wakes up; licks balls
7:15 a.m.: Pees in yard
7:20 a.m.: Eats
7:30 a.m.: Goes for walk; poops
9:00 a.m.: Licks balls
10 a.m.: Someone posts Freddie's blog URL on home page
11 a.m.: Picks cookbook off shelf in kitchen; eats
12:05 p.m.: Freddie's blog gets 1,000 hits
12:06 p.m: Scratches ear
3 p.m.: Licks balls
5 p.m.: Blog gets 2,000 hits
6 p.m.: Eats; pees; poops
7 p.m.: Another 500 hits
8 p.m.: Paris Hilton stops by; Freddie considers humping her leg, shudders deeply, and decides against it
9 p.m.: Freddie denounced by Swift Boat Veterans: "His wounds were superficial."
10 p.m.: Dick Cheney pronounces Freddie a "flip flopper. First he likes squeaky squirrel toy. Then he likes squeaky hippo toy. Is this the dog we want in office?"
10:15 p.m.: Freddie spotted with J.Lo; press dubs them "Freddifer"
10:30 p.m.: Pees; poops
11:00 p.m.: Checks SiteMeter report; licks balls; sleeps
7:00 a.m.: Wakes, eats, pees, poops, licks
7:15 a.m.: Ben Affleck stops by, warns him of backlash; Freddie considers humping his leg, but decides against it; Affleck leaves to make another crappy movie
7:30 a.m.: More licking
8:00 a.m.: Paramount rush-produces starring vehicle for Freddifer
11:00 a.m.: Plays in yard
12:00 p.m.: Zell Miller diagnosed with rabies (c'mon--it was obvious)
1:00 p.m.: Checks SiteMeter, sees hits are up to 5,000-something; licks balls
7:00 p.m.: Paramount realizes it has bomb on its hands; decides to release Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! to theaters without screening for critics
8:00 p.m.: Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! opens; general consensus: "Too much ball licking."
9:00 p.m.: Site hits taper off; falls asleep early
8:00 a.m.: Realizes ordering thousands of Freddie mugs and T-shirts was probably a bad idea; licks balls