I've flip-flopped--Rufus T. Firefly gets my vote!

Who can resist a platform like this???


Mrs. Teasdale: If it's not asking too much...
For our information,
Just for illustration,
Tell us how you intend
To run the nation.

Firefly: These are the laws of my administration.
No one's allowed to tell a dirty joke.
And whistling is forbidden
(He whistles and conducts the guests)

Guests: We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke
Hail, hail Freedonia.

Firefly: If chewing gum is chewed
The chewer is pursued,
And in the hoose-gow hidden.
(He chews)

Guests: If we choose to chew, we'll be pursued.

Firefly: If any form of pleasure is exhibited.
Report to me and it will prohibited.
I'll put my foot down,
So shall it be.
This is the land of the Free.

The last man nearly ruined this place,
He didn't know what to do with it.
If you think this country's bad enough now,
Just wait till I get through with it.

The country's taxes must be fixed,
And I know what to do with it.
If you think you're paying too much now,
Just wait till I get through with it.

I will not stand for anything
That's crooked or unfair.
I'm strictly on the up and up,
So everyone beware.

If anyone's caught taking graft
And I don't get my share,
We stand 'em up against the wall...
And pop goes the weasel!

So everyone beware,
Who's crooked or unfair,
No one must take a bit of graft
Unless he gets his share.

If any man should come between
A husband and his bride,
We find out which one she prefers
By letting her decide.

If she prefers the other man,
The husband steps outside.
We stand him up against the wall,
And pop goes the weasel!

Guests: The husband steps outside,
Relinquishes his bride.

Firefly: (simultaneously) Ah-ah-ah...

Guests: They stand him up against the wall,
And take him for a ride.


--From Duck Soup, of course