One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

I don't know about you, but I'm both looking forward to and dreading Thursday's presidential debate. In order to make it even slightly bearable, I've devised this drinking game.

If Kerry uses a sentence that must be diagrammed in order to be understood: One shot.

If Bush mispronounces a common word: One shot.

If Bush uses the words "Osama bin Laden": Drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels (I've made this a rather high penalty, as it seems unlikely).

If Kerry uses the phrase "W stands for 'wrong'": Quarter bottle of tequila. (Look, he's my candidate, but that phrase always hits my ear as insanely awkward. In print? Maybe. Out loud? Nope, doesn't work.)

If Bush intimates that the country is more likely to be attacked if Kerry gets elected: Half a tub of bathtub gin.

If Howard Borden says "Hi, Bob!": One shot.*

If Bush suggests Iraq occupation is going well: Shoot television.

If Kerry bungles this: Shoot me.


*Sorry--wrong drinking game.