Looking over the vast archives of this blog, I realized that I made a mistake back in this 2004 entry, entitled "Innovative idea for election reform":
Each state picks an official Election Monkey. All 50 Election Monkeys are locked in a room with jumbo-size photos of the candidates. Winner is the candidate whose photo has the least poop thrown at it after a set time period (say, one hour).
First of all, we should have the actual candidates--not photos--in the room with the monkeys. And, second, the winner is the candidate who has the most poop thrown at him or her.
The Velvet Blog regrets the error.