Friday, September 17, 2010

I, for one, welcome our new teabag overlords

Election Day is weeks away, but while the primary wins by far-right nutjobs gave me a momentary glimmer of hope that the teabag-associated candidates will be unelectable in the general election, this small flame was snuffed out this morning by Andrew Cuomo, the Democrat running for governor in New York.

The Republican candidate, Carl Paladino, is ... oh, how do I say this? ... oh, right, insane.

Cuomo, rather than pointing out that Paladino is a resident of Crazytown, has decided to suspend his campaign, apparently. From the New York Times this morning:
"I don't know Mr. Paladino, and I don't think my characterization is all that relevant or appropriate, you know? ... That's why we have a democracy. That's why we have elections. And the people of the state are going to tell you what they think. And they'll listen to positions and they'll read words and then they'll render a judgment. ..."

No. No, they won't. They will turn on the Fox Propaganda Network and listen to Paladino expound on why New York's Welfare recipients should live in prison dorms and be taught personal hygiene and think, "Well, that makes sense."
Mr. Cuomo would not venture an opinion on racist and pornographic e-mails that Mr. Paladino had forwarded to friends, which led a parade of his fellow Democrats, including Gov. David A. Paterson, to denounce Mr. Paladino as unfit for office.

"'Racist' and 'bigoted' are loaded concepts and loaded words," Mr. Cuomo said, noting that Mr. Paladino had described the messages later as inappropriate. "They're his e-mails. I'll leave them to his characterization, and for other people to make."

Earth to Cuomo: You ARE "other people."
Even seemingly mundane questions elicited elliptical responses.

Should voters see Mr. Cuomo as the head of his party's ticket?

"What does the head of a ticket look like?" Mr. Cuomo mused, taking the question literally.

"The door is a jar?" he added. "Is it a door or a jar? Do I walk through it or spoon out its contents for toast? That's not rhetorical--I really don't know."
Should people view Mr. Cuomo, an incumbent state official and the son of a former governor, as the true outsider?

"Inside, outside, upside down," Mr. Cuomo said in his trademark singsong. "You know, I don't know what that means."

I'll tell you what it means: You've already lost.

PS: Am I blogging again? What is a blog? Blog. Blog. Blog, blog, blog. I don't know what that means. What a funny word! Blog! Hahahahaha!

UPDATE: The Times is reading The Velvet Blog.

8 comments: said...

I, for one, welcome back our old velvet underlord. Big smile.

Jim Donahue said...


Dave said...

Never deleted you from the RSS reader.

fermicat said...

Don't you know your reality based opinions have no place in today's bizarro world? Just like blogs. And RSS feed readers. Out. Passe. Sooooo yesterday. Retro. Quaint.




And like Dave, I never deleted you from the hopelessly old fashioned feed reader that I still use instead of Facebook or Twitter or whateverthehell else we're supposed to be using now.

TwoBusy said...

I can only presume I'm hallucinating this entire thing, as clearly Das Velvet Blog (Glob?) is no longer a going concern.

Jim Donahue said...

If you spot a dancing dwarf, this may be a dream sequence.

ChefNick said...

The Velvet Glob. What a novel concept!

But as I'm taken to calling it, Fessebook (fesse is "ass" in French) and Twitter (the first four letters should give you a clue) are for complete and utter . . . well, let's not go there and say we did.

the devil you know said...

I was talking with a republican friend of mine this weekend who was talking about how the background of Cuomo's dad was going to screw it up for lil Andy. Ridiculous, I said, Andy's quite capable of fucking it up on his own.