Thursday, March 25, 2010

Death at a funeral


It all started after a really bad breakup. I moved to Minneapolis to get away and clear my head and, by a total fluke, got a job as an associate news producer at a local TV station. My boss was a lovable lug and the anchorman a blowhard and my upstairs neighbor a weight-obsessed Brooklynite and ... well, here I am blathering on and getting away from my point.

So, there was this clown, Knuckles, who hosted a children's show at the station, and, during a public appearance at a circus while dressed as a peanut, a rogue elephant tried to shell him. I know, crazy, right? Anyway, he was totally killed, and it was really sad, and I got mad at my co-workers when they started giggling at the absurdity of it. It was super inappropriate.

Then, at the funeral, the strangest thing happened--during the eulogy, I couldn't stop laughing. Uncontrollably. Seriously, I was shaking. And when the minister pointed out that Knuckles would have wanted it that way, well, then I couldn't stop sobbing, because Knuckles was dead, struck down by an elephant who thought that poor clown was a huge, mutant legume, and, man, that's just so sad.

And speaking of dead, it's been kind of creeping up on me that, after going on six years, The Velvet Blog is dressed as a peanut and there's a rogue elephant here. Oh, it could be worse. The blog could be dressed as a banana and be peeled by a gorilla--that would be worse. Still, though, this blog is dead. And I'd like to think that somewhere up there tonight, behind those pearly gates ... in the Great Beyond, where someday all must go ... somewhere up there tonight, in honor of The Velvet Blog, a celestial choir of angels is sitting on whoopie cushions.



P.S.: I assume that at some point I'll get the urge to do something online, but it will be in some form other than The Velvet Blog. If that happens, I'll post a link here.

Meanwhile, if you'd like to stay in touch, my e-mail address is on my profile page. I'm also on Facebook--go on and friend me, why don't you? (I mostly just post links to music and news stories there. I guarantee you will never get updates on Farmville or Mafia Wars.)

Now, won't you join me in a chorus of "It's a Long Way to Tipperary"?


cf.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Say it ain't so!

Dave said...

Well, I'm not happy. Your presence on Facebook is almost enough reason to sign up. I said almost.

So, I should delete you from the Bookmarks and the Google Reader? You're serious?

I'd have much preferred Bob back in bed with Emily as a motif for this post, creating hope, not to fulfilled of course, of a new series.

All the best!

Jim Donahue said...

Yeah, delete away.

Thanks for reading, Dave.

MsYvone said...

So sorry to hear this... but as the owner of a dead blog, I understand. Glad I'll still see you on FB! (no mafia wars or farmville from me either.)

Jim Donahue said...

When I wrote this post, I had COMPLETELY forgotten this.

And, basically, it came true.

John said...

Aw, just when I rose from the blog dead. Now I'm blogging like it's 2005.

punkinsmom said...

Quitter.

ChefNick said...

Whaaa? WhAAAAH?

I apologize in advance, but I went behind your back in a decidedly underhanded fashion and got a hold of your doctor's number, and I can really assure you that it's all going to be okay. He upped the lithium to 120mg and on special request threw in a full three months of Dilaudid.

It's going to be okay, Jiminy, really it is.

There's no need to go about making drastic life decisions while you're short on meds, is there, now?

So please, please, take the pills as scheduled (if you miss a dose, do not double up but continue as normal)

and DO NOT QUIT THIS BLOG. You'll miss us!

Qaro said...

Aw. Hugs.

Gina said...

Boo! However, I completely understand. I'll look for you on FB.

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

I get it. I've been feeling really dry lately myself. Too much real life to get in the way of this online fantasy life I've been fabricating.

Vaya con dios, Muchacho.

Grammarian@mindspring.com said...

Goodbye, Picadilly.
Farewell, Leicester Square.

Knatolee said...

BUMMER. BUMMER!!!! I think I'll have to friend you on FB.

fermicat said...

*sigh*

Once more, for old time's sake:

"Now, give this blog that banana."

Will said...

I'll miss reading TVB but I'm grateful that you're just as funny in person. Keep being the wonderfully creative person you are. Love,

TwoBusy said...

Aw, hell.

Word verif: crack. As in: to quit, you must be on...

Grammarian@mindspring.com said...

I hear a doctor named Viktor Blogenstein is going around digging up dead blogs and pumping 50,000 volts of electricity into them.

Jim Donahue said...

It's pronounced "Blagensteen."

Bix said...

You have a talent for writing.

Jim Donahue said...

Thank you, Bix!

Grammarian@mindspring.com said...

FEELINGS! NOTHING MORE THAN FEEEEELINGS...

Jim Donahue said...

There, there. Let it all out. You'll feel better.

Grammarian@mindspring.com said...

Duck...duck...duck...duck...

Doug said...

Doing okay out there in non-blog land, Jim?

ChefNick said...

Yeah, Jiminy . . . HOW'S THE FACEBOOK UNIVERSE SMELLING NOW?????

(How do you make an evil-smirk smiley?)

joel hanes said...

That uncontrollable-laughter-at-clown-funeral bit is lifted without credit from
"Chuckles Bites The Dust"
Mary Tyler Moore Show
October 25th, 1975

Crummybuttons, I sez.

Jim Donahue said...

Jeez, Joel, what tipped you off?

The link to the Mary Tyler Moore finale? Or was it the link to the script of the Chuckles episode, in all its glory, that ends this post?

OK, from now on, whenever anyone spoofs or pays homage to a famous piece of pop culture, and also links to the original, it's imperative that they also put THIS IS AN HOMAGE in blinking lights so that Joel doesn't get his Hanes in a twist.

joel hanes said...

Didn't even see the cf. link; did not follow the Tipperary one.

Apparently I'm a fucking idiot crossed with a prig. I regret making that handicap so obviously visible in such a public manner.

Carry on.

Grammarian@mindspring.com said...

Crummybuttons? Bleah!

Jim Donahue said...

Thanks, Joel.

And TVB sinks back into a coma...

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

Hopefully this will get to you. I just watched "I Know Where I'm Going" on your recommendation, and I have to say, I really liked it.

FWIW -- the Filmspotting podcast (filmspotting.net) is starting a mini-marathon of Powell-Pressburger movie discussions, and I thought of you.