Thursday, March 18, 2010

Cablevision Sucks, Part 382: Based on the Novel "Cablevision Sucks" by Sapphire

As noted earlier, Cablevision sucks.

A few weeks ago, the area's cable monopoly was warring with the also-sucky ABC. The upshot was that we lost the network the day of the Oscars. (And despite the fact that service was restored about 15 minutes into the Oscar telecast, there were no messages that, hey, service got turned on again, so I missed it anyway.)

As a form of apology, I guess, Cablevision sent subscribers an e-mail the day of the Oscars offering a free pay-per-view movie that evening. I tried several times to watch something--anything--and got an error message each time.

I e-mailed the company, asking for a credit, and finally heard back today. Let's take a look at the response (bolding mine):

Dear Valued Customer,

It would be easy enough to insert your name into form letter boilerplate, but, really, we couldn't be bothered.
Thank you for contacting Cablevision. We’re pleased to have reached an agreement allowing for the return of ABC programming to the three million New York area homes. We are very grateful to our customers for their support and your patience is appreciated.

Um. Your welcome? But that's not what I asked about.
In 2009, many new channels and services were added to our lineup, including MSG Varsity, ...

I don't watch sports.
News 12 HD, ...

Local news? Well, OK. But I don't really need to see it in high def.
Fox Business network, ...

You're just taunting me now, right?
CBS College Sports, ...

Did I mention that don't-give-a-crap-about-sports thing? So if you're making me pay for this, and you are, that's not winning me over.

OK, that I might watch, though oddly I don't remember seeing this in my channel lineup.
Style, Boomerang, Big Ten Network HD and MSNBC HD.

No, what?, don't give a crap, meh.

OK, now let's get to the part where you tell me I get a credit for the movie you offered and then didn't have the infrastructure to actually provide:
Just as your monthly fees are not adjusted upward each time a new channel is introduced,...

Every other?
we are not issuing credits for the short period we were not carrying ABC or for the outage experienced during the free Video On Demand promotional offer.

Shorter form letter: "Dear Customer: Fuck you."


Shared Services

Sincerely, Cablevision, you suck.

1 comment:

Knatolee said...

Charming! I see they're all about customer service. Not.