Monday, December 06, 2010

Note to self: Dolls must have heads and bodies

Kind of busy the next few weeks, so new posts will be minimal. Pardon me while I rerun a bunch of Christmas-themed posts from past years.

Time for a low-rent Christmas classic, "A Visit to Santa."

I think Santa's been nipping at the Wild Turkey. (Magic Helicopter? Please. No such thing.)

Weirdly, the narrator sounds like David Sedaris doing his excited elf voice in "Santaland Diaries" (albeit in a slightly lower key).

Oh my God ... I just had a Christmas flashback.

When I was four or five-ish, my parents brought me to the parking lot of Billy Blake's department store (a now-long-defunct '60s discount chain) for the arrival of Santa -- in his decidedly unmagic helicopter. He began climbing down the rope ladder when ... the pillow under his coat fell out.

Cries of bafflement were heard from the wilds of suburban Long Island to the North Pole. Mom, thinking quickly, explained that it was not actually Santa, but one of his many helpers.

Confused, I went on believing until the year* I noticed the remnants of a price tag on the box of a board game. Santa, if he existed -- I reasoned -- would have his elf indentured servants make toys. He would not buy retail.

*2005, give or take.

PARENTHETICAL ADDENDUM: I'm not kidding about the price tag on the board game -- that's really how I figured out I'd been the object of what amounts to a years-long practical joke (somewhat before 2005).

Flying reindeer? Fine! Fat man comes down the chimney? No problem!

Remnant of a price tag on supposedly elf-made game? Now hold on one darn minute there, mister!!

6 comments: said...

It seems to me that the 70s were the golden age of the crappy Christmas movie. Has there been notable Xmas Xrap produced recently?

Jim Donahue said...

Nutcracker in 3D doesn't count? said...

Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Seems to be an overblown one-shot rather than a cheapo production line. Of course, I haven't actually seen it. Has anybody?

Jim Donahue said...

Yeah, the only Christmas movies they make for theaters these days are spectacles, like the 3D "Christmas Carol" and "Polar Express." No one makes "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" or the like anymore.

The subgenre that's huge now is made-for-basic-cable romantic comedy Christmas movies, preferably with not-terribly-expensive sitcom stars.

John Thompson said...

Did all houses look like the Brady Bunch's in the '70's? Santa's sure does.

Jim Donahue said...

Well, Mr. Brady was a very influential architect.