Thursday, December 15, 2005

Dear Nancy

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CNN anchor Nancy Grace wants her alleged stalker to pay up.

Most celebs defend themselves against unwanted fans in criminal court. But Grace has gone to Manhattan Supreme Court to seek punitive damages against Joseph Raymond Loegering for emotional distress.

Loegering, 48, "is apparently obsessed with Ms. Grace, believes that he loves her, insists that she can solve all of his problems and will help him to meet with Osama Bin Laden," her civil suit charges. ...

On Dec. 8, he allegedly left her a message saying: "I love you Nancy and I always will."

Loegering's mom, reached in Missouri, told The News' Helen Peterson: "He doesn't have anything. I hope she's not suing me."
--New York Daily News

Dear Nancy:

How are you? I am fine, thank you.

Look, I can't help but think we kind of got off on the wrong foot. Perhaps it was the tinfoil hat that I was wearing. I know it looks odd, but it's just a fashion statement. I saw it on Project Runway. Oh, and it keeps out the mind-control rays. See? Makes sense now, right?

Also, I'm sorry about turning up in your bathroom while you were showering. I guess that might have seemed odd. But after I knocked your doorman unconscious and drugged your dog (and what a cute pup, by the way!), I got thirsty. Hydration is really very important, especially when the air is so dry. Apologies.

Did that drawing of Natalie Holloway I left on your bed spook you? Sorry. I know that it looks like I drew it with my own blood, but that's not the case. Actually, I used the blood of your doorman, after I knocked him out. See? Normal.

Now, about Osama Bin Laden ... Christ, I don't know what I was thinking! Of course you can't introduce me to him--that's just crazy! (What about Larry King? Do you think Larry could introduce me to Osama Bin Laden?)

BTW, I think you'll like Mom--she's feisty!!!

I love you Nancy and I always will,

PS: By the way, if anyone calls and asks if you know anything about Greta Van Sustern's tires getting slashed, I so didn't have anything to do with that.

1 comment:

trinamick said...

Some people just don't appreciate a true fan. Ungrateful wretch.