Not funny: Probe Enters Venus Orbit
For maximum comic effect, all stories about other planets must be about Uranus--it's an added plus when the story is about some sort of probe.
Funny: Probe Enters Uranus
Not funny: Disney Ride Reopens Day After Woman Dies
What a downer! All stories regarding Disneyland should refer to Walt Disney's cryogenically preserved head. It's a sure-fire laugh-getter.
Funny: Disney Ride Reopens Day After Woman Dies; Walt Disney's Cryogenically Preserved Head Has No Comment
Not funny: Report Raises New Questions on Bush, WMDs
With anti-Bush sentiment at an all-time high, don't be afraid to take the low road. It may be cheap, but belly laughs will ensue.
Funny: Bush Is Full Of Crap
Not funny: Doctors Remove Girl's Extra Donor Heart
Probably the only person less popular than the Prez is the Veep--and he's known to have heart issues. Go topical for big yuks!
Funny: Doctors Remove Girl's Extra Donor Heart; VP Still Doesn't Even Have One
Not funny: Magician Set to Live in Aquarium
David Blaine is an annoying model-sleeper-wither, only marginally less grating than that Mindfreak guy (Mindfreak!!!) on A&E. No one likes him. When he was living in a transparent box suspended over London last year, people taunted him with food. Therefore:
Funny: David Blaine Drowns While Attempting Stupid Stunt; No One Notices