Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I am definitely in the wrong business

So, a New York Post gossip columnist is accused of trying to shake down a billionaire to the tune of $100,000 plus $10,000 a month to keep unflattering gossip off Page Six.

Hmmmmmm. I'm getting an idea.

Hey, Mark from the Biomes Blog: Give me $13.50 or I blab about that gas-guzzling Hummer you have hidden in the garage. Mr. Environment--ha!

God Is My Co-dependent: Do you really want everyone to know you're a Britney Spears fan? Wire $22.25 into my bank account.

Trina: Sure you talk a good game, building up the image you want of cranky, cranky Trina. How'd you like it if I let everyone know you're really perkier than Kelly Ripa? A money order in the amount of $17 will keep my lips sealed.

Doug... or should I say Dr. Total Sham Who Got His Medical Diploma Off The Web? $30 and I don't breathe a word.

Peter, I don't think you need me reminding people of your resemblance to Annette Benning, now do you? $19.

Fanatic Cook: Do you know how easy it would be to whip up of pic of you finishing off a bag of Doritos? $25 and I hit the delete key.

Punkinsmom: Strangely, I have nothing on you. $20, though, or I make shit up.

Debbie: $24 or I start a rumor you really named your kid Moxie Crimefighter.

NYPinTA: $32 or I tell Joss Whedon you've been talking smack behind his back.

Asher: Improv my foot--$25 or I let the cat out of the bag: you've got an earpiece in your ear with Karl Rove feeding you lines.

Gina: $33 or I let everyone know you don't knit ... you crochet.

Count yourselves lucky that I can be had cheap.

Oh, and a note to the regulars I forgot: You're safe ... for now!! Bwahaha haahaha hahahaha* [cough, cough, sputter].

*That's supposed to be an evil laugh.


MsYvone said...

Jim, $27.91 or I tell EVERYONE you are really a wingnut.

punkinsmom said...

You can't scare me. Nothing you make up can be worse than the truth. And you call yourself a writer. Hah. Hmmmm --as a matter of fact... $22.50 and I drop the whole thing.

fanatic cook said...

Curses. The jig's up.

Gina said...

$13.23 or I tell the world that I crochet -- toilet seat covers for the House of the Velvet Blog.

God Is My Codependent said...

Wire transfer?!? Sheesh, whatever happened to small, unmarked bills?

I just wasn't made for these times.

God Is My Codependent said...

Oh, my God! A fractured skull! They better not... I mean... Wait! No. I mean, I don't care! I didn't even know about it! I don't read that sort of stuff. What fractured skull?!

trinamick said...

Yeah, right. Like I would ever be like Kelly Ripa. Nobody would believe that. You don't scare me.

Do you take Paypal?

Mark H said...

$13.50 on its way. Now keep it quiet, will ya.