So, a New York Post gossip columnist is accused of trying to shake down a billionaire to the tune of $100,000 plus $10,000 a month to keep unflattering gossip off Page Six.
Hmmmmmm. I'm getting an idea.
Hey, Mark from the Biomes Blog: Give me $13.50 or I blab about that gas-guzzling Hummer you have hidden in the garage. Mr. Environment--ha!
God Is My Co-dependent: Do you really want everyone to know you're a Britney Spears fan? Wire $22.25 into my bank account.
Trina: Sure you talk a good game, building up the image you want of cranky, cranky Trina. How'd you like it if I let everyone know you're really perkier than Kelly Ripa? A money order in the amount of $17 will keep my lips sealed.
Doug... or should I say Dr. Total Sham Who Got His Medical Diploma Off The Web? $30 and I don't breathe a word.
Peter, I don't think you need me reminding people of your resemblance to Annette Benning, now do you? $19.
Fanatic Cook: Do you know how easy it would be to whip up of pic of you finishing off a bag of Doritos? $25 and I hit the delete key.
Punkinsmom: Strangely, I have nothing on you. $20, though, or I make shit up.
Debbie: $24 or I start a rumor you really named your kid Moxie Crimefighter.
NYPinTA: $32 or I tell Joss Whedon you've been talking smack behind his back.
Asher: Improv my foot--$25 or I let the cat out of the bag: you've got an earpiece in your ear with Karl Rove feeding you lines.
Gina: $33 or I let everyone know you don't knit ... you crochet.
Count yourselves lucky that I can be had cheap.
Oh, and a note to the regulars I forgot: You're safe ... for now!! Bwahaha haahaha hahahaha* [cough, cough, sputter].
*That's supposed to be an evil laugh.
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8 comments:
Jim, $27.91 or I tell EVERYONE you are really a wingnut.
You can't scare me. Nothing you make up can be worse than the truth. And you call yourself a writer. Hah. Hmmmm --as a matter of fact... $22.50 and I drop the whole thing.
Curses. The jig's up.
$13.23 or I tell the world that I crochet -- toilet seat covers for the House of the Velvet Blog.
Wire transfer?!? Sheesh, whatever happened to small, unmarked bills?
I just wasn't made for these times.
Oh, my God! A fractured skull! They better not... I mean... Wait! No. I mean, I don't care! I didn't even know about it! I don't read that sort of stuff. What fractured skull?!
Yeah, right. Like I would ever be like Kelly Ripa. Nobody would believe that. You don't scare me.
Do you take Paypal?
$13.50 on its way. Now keep it quiet, will ya.
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