Saturday, November 29, 2008

They make great Christmas gifts, and you don't even have to deal with the hordes at Wal-mart

Part of an occasional series in which we improve depressing or odd descriptions of vanity press books advertised in The New York Times Book Review by adding the phrase "Wacky high jinks ensue" at the end of them. All ad copy verbatim (except for the high jinks) from the Nov. 30 issue:

The 13th Zodiac (Ophiuchus) and the Galactic Solar System Unveiled. This visionary new book proposes that there are 13 zodiac signs, 13 lunar months with Septem(7)ber as the seventh month and A DISCOVERED GALACTIC SOLAR SYSTEM which explains why we have 2000 year NEW AGES. [The author] presents "atronomically and cosmographically verifiable facts" supporting these claims. Wacky high jinks ensue.

The Sacred and the Profane. Presented as a true story, [the author] gives an unexpected twist to the well-known saga of the Raelian Movement, offering up new alien communication to clarify the story of "Elohim, Extra-Terrestrials, Angels, Fallen Angels, and God" and the origin of the human race. Wacky high jinks ensue.

I'm thinking of writing a novel called The Sacred and the Propane, about a holy propane and propane-accessories salesman. It will be filled with "verifiable facts," and a few unverifiable ones for good measure.

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