Thursday, August 18, 2005

Choices, choices

What's just so great about 24/7 cable-news coverage and the Internet is that you can pick whether you want good news or bad news. Want to be cheered up? You can find a news source to do that. Want to be sent into a dizzying tailspin of depression? You can find a news source to do that, too.

I filled up my tank with gas this morning, spending about $24 (small tank, but, ouch!), which got me to wondering where prices were headed, so I checked Google News when I got to the office. These two headlines appeared right next to each other:

Supply fear pumps up oil prices
Oil prices dive as demand fears ease

Are fears going up or down? Are prices going up or down? I've read both stories, and the only thing that's definitely going up is my level of confusion.

In fact, I'm so confused, I'm just going to turn to the real news: P. Diddy changes name to just plain Diddy.
"I felt the 'P' was coming between me and my fans," Combs, 35, told Katie Couric on NBC's Today show Tuesday. "We had to simplify it. It was, you know, doing concerts and half the crowd saying 'P. Diddy,' half the crowd chanting 'Diddy.' Now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.'"

Yes, that must have been very, very confusing.

But thank God the media gave us the scoop.

Hey, whatever happened to the investigation into Karl Rove?

What--it's not in the paper?

Oh, well, at least we've had our Daily Diddy Update. Now, pardon me as I hide in an isolation chamber for the next few years.

10 comments:

Grammarian said...

"P-Puff Diddy-Daddy" has a nice rhythm to it.

If Karl Rove wants to keep his name in the papers, maybe he needs a new one. Something hip and rap-star-like, but it should also trade on his work as Bush's brain and his role in the Valerie Plame case. Hmm....How about "Brain-Leak"?

Jim Donahue said...

How about Older, Dirtier Bastard?

(Department of Non Sequiturs: I once sat in front of the real Old Dirty Bastard on a plane, on an international flight. He brought a pizza on board and was really, really LOUD, and I was dreading the thought of seven hours of him playing his GameBoy with the sound turned up. After some bitching, he got swtiched to first class from coach.)

(Small confession: When I saw him on line, I thought he was Coolio.)

Grammarian said...

And now he's dead. Coincidence? I think so!

NYPinTA said...

And now he's dead.
Karl Rove? Don't tease...

Grammarian said...

I was referring to Ol' Dirty Bastard. As for Karl Rove, we can only hope:

Karl Rove's body lies a-moldin' in his grave
Karl Rove's body lies a-moldin' in his grave
Karl Rove's body lies a-moldin' in his grave
He can't stop lying, can he?

John said...

"And now he's dead.
Karl Rove? Don't tease.."

But when he does go, I'm betting it will happen like this

trinamick said...

2.76/gallon here now. Sonofa sonofa.

fanatic cook said...

I checked CNN news a few hours ago and saw these two headlines, one a few lines down from the other:

"Hitting the gas: prices set another mark"

"H3 is best looking hummer yet"

I also noted incongruity.

Jay Jordan said...

i got $24 worth yesterday, too...

3/8 of a tank...

i went to the store, to motor vehicles, and home....

and i'm almost on "E" again..

today i will be buying a skateboard and a backpack....

the jeep is going in a museum somewhere....

pblossom said...

$35 yesterday!!! the second story better be right!