Friday, August 26, 2005

Coming soon to the Sci-Fi Channel: A quiz

I made up only one of these--I swear. But which one?

The Man With the Screaming Brain
Wealthy industrialist William Cole (Bruce Campbell, who also wrote and directed) awakens to realize part of his brain is that of a Bulgarian cab driver. Resurrected by mad scientist Stacy Keach (TV's Mike Hammer), the brain-mates have something else in common: The woman who killed them.

Those pesky scientists are at it again. This one is trying to find a cure for the West Nile virus. Unfortunately she turns herself and a junkie into mutant mosquito creatures. Starring Corin Nemec (Parker Lewis Can't Lose).

Dragon Storm
In the Dark Ages, the bitterly opposed rulers of two neighboring kingdoms (John Rhys-Davies, Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark, Maxwell Caulfield, Waxwork II: Lost in Time) must put aside their rivalry to combat an alien-dragon menace.

Killer Ferrets
When a science nerd (Gilmore Girls' Alexis Bedel) splices her pet ferret's DNA with her late pitbull's genes, havoc rules over a small town, and the visiting British sheriff (John Rhys-Davies, The Lord of the Rings) must put down the carnivorous critters before they tear the throats out of the best players on the high-school football team. Featuring Charlie Schlatter (Diagnosis Murder).

David Keith (Sci-Fi Pictures' Epoch and Deep Shock), Vanessa Angel (Weird Science), John Rhys-Davies (Raiders of the Lost Ark, TV's Sliders) and Jenna Gering star in this adventure about a killer cat, a sexy scientist, an arrogant Englishman and several unlucky campers. Watch kitty litter the woods--with bodies!

Attack of the Sabretooth
Theme-park owner Niles Green thought that stocking his Fiji nature preserve with real sabretooth tigers would make him rich--but the tigers are the only ones making a killing in this rip-roaring creature feature. Brian Wimmer, Richard Carradine and Stacy Haiduk star.

(Descriptions taken from Sci-Fi's site. No cheating.)


Jay Jordan said...

they're all pretty damn stupid...

Grammarian said...

OK, let's look at the characters and see if there's any evidence of originality:

1) Mad scientist. No.
2) Pesky scientists. Hmm...that doesn't sound very hack. Scientists are usually mad or rigid.
3) Bitterly opposed rulers. No.
4) Science nerd. No.
5) Killer cat, sexy scientist, arrogant Englishman. No.
6) Theme-park owner. There's no adjective to make sure, but still, it's a rip-off of Jurassic Park. No originality.

So, I'd say that you made up the Mansquito one, because it doesn't have hack enough charactes to be actually on TV.

Grammarian said...

Can I play twice? I have an alternate pick.

The fake one is Killer Ferrets. The analysis:

Come on, ferrets!?

Jovianne said...

It has to be the Screaming Brain that you invented. Unfortunately, I saw the ads for Mansquito, Dragon Storm, and the Sabretooth movies. (there was a sequel???) Not sure about the ferrets, but why not. They had Killer Clowns from Outer Space, didn't they? So why not a ferret?

Jim Donahue said...

Are you sure? Ferrets have very sharp teeth. Perhaps it's a remake of The Killer Shrews.

NYPinTA said...

It's sad that only one is the fake one.
Stupid skiffy.

Jovianne said...

Nope, I am not sure.
I am merely guessing.
But I narrowed it down to two!
Do I get points for that???

Jim Donahue said...

Jovi--that comment was directed at Grammarian. I think ferrets can be scary.

NYpinta: You made me look up "skiffy." Never saw that before.

No answers till later.

Grammarian said...

I'm sure:

Grammarian said...

Now I've really got it! It has to be the ferrets. Because the description is about critters that are half ferret and half pitbull. And there was no attempt made to combine the names! I mean, what TV exec could possibly come up with a show about half-pitbulls, half-ferrets and not name it "Bull-Ets"??! None! So it has to be the ferrets!

NYPinTA said...

I mean, what TV exec could possibly come up with a show about half-pitbulls, half-ferrets and not name it "Bull-Ets"??!

Heh. Sad, but true.

MsYvone said...

I LOVED Maxwell Caulfield in Grease 2. I spent way too much baby-sitter money watching Michelle Pfieffer croon "COOOOOOOL RIDER!" over that man.

I wonder if he and "the NANNY" ( not Fran Drescher )
are still together....

ha ha. TV execs. Hows this one from the mouth of a crazed TV exec for a title for the Roman Catholic Church Bishop Crisis.

"JESUS CHRISIS!" or "ALTERED BOYS." We didnt use them.

damn, I wish I could take credit for those....