What's the traditional present for a second anniversary?

I hope it's a monkey--I've always wanted a monkey!

Yes, it's The Velvet Blog's second anniversary already (well, it's next week, but I'm celebrating a little early). In blog years, I think that's akin to reaching puberty. Soon, TVB's voice will be breaking and its face blooming with acne. Oh, memories!

Let's take a stroll through Year Two, shall we?

Remember when we invented new stupid celebrity nicknames? Man, that was fun. And then we were visited by a large gorilla of indeterminate size? That doesn't happen every day.

Remember when Dick Cheney stopped by? God, that was scary. Then remember when a blog I've never even heard of in my life accused me of plagiarizing that entry? That was weird. And it really sucked, too.

Remember my brief, queasy fascination with the ubiquity of Dakota Fanning? That was creepy. Then we examined the phenomenon of abandoned blogs. And that was sad. But then we compared Krofft Brothers shows, and things cheered up.

Remember when the weather got really Old Testamenty? That was strange. And then we compared apples and oranges? You're really not supposed to do that--but TVB has no fear when it comes to comparing fruit!

Remember when we went on an emotional roller-coaster ride? Fortunately, the meds have kicked in. Remember when this was, if only briefly, the No. 1 Google hit for "Freudian psychoanalysts"? Then again, maybe the meds haven't fully kicked in.

Remember when I gave publishing advice, despite the fact that my only published book is somewhere around No. 2,500,000 on Amazon? Remember when we improved headlines? I'm probably better at that.

Remember when TVB tried to palm off a sad best-of post as an anniversary celebration? Lame-o.

Oh, and remember the first TVB post ever?

No, I don't either. I blame the Vicodin.