Friday, December 28, 2007

Smackdown!: Tater Mitts vs. Mitt Romney

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Tater Mitts

What: An amazing solution to potato-peeling drudgery.

Pros: Cheap. Unlikely to ruin the country.

Cons: Doesn't, you know, do what it's advertised to do (i.e.: peel potatoes). Surprisingly, has never renounced polygamy.

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Mitt Romney

Who: Republican presidential hopeful.

Pros: Give me a minute.

Nope, I've got nothin'.

Cons: Full name, Willard Mitt Romney, is an anagram for Malted Twirly Minor, Treadmill Nit Wormy, and Maimed Wintry Troll, none of which make sense and all of which are vaguely disturbing for reasons that are hard to pin down. Though he was an English major in college, has named L. Ron Hubbard's Battlefield Earth as his favorite novel (really!). The fact that now you can't get that image of John Travolta as a Psychlo out of your head. Unable to do what he's advertised to do (i.e.: lead country without making it even worse). Grudging conclusion that Maimed Wintry Troll isn't a bad name for band. But what kind of music? Emo? You hate emo, although you do admire Emo Phillips. Realize that you've wasted the whole afternoon Googling Emo Phillips to find out what he's doing lately. Discover that Emo most recently did a voice on the animated show Slacker Cats, which, sadly, sounds awful.


Winner: Tater Mitts. At least, if elected president, the worst it would do is leave potato preparation to old-fashioned peeler.

15 comments:

Mark said...

That settles it - I'm voting for Emo Phillips.

God Is My Codependent said...

Even though "Emo Phillips" is an anagram of "Hippie Molls"??!? I'd be careful if I were you.

Jay Jordan said...

tater mitts are cool, and have other uses.....if you're into that sort of thing...

Dave said...

Always keep a sharp paring knife in the drawer. That said, I once met Tater's, I mean Mitt's father when he was Michigan's Governor. Nice guy with silver hair. That's all I've got for a pro.

Qaro said...

I think that picture of John Travolta is still less scary than Edna Turnblad.

punkinsmom said...

Mitt's got a nice head of hair. Does that count as a "pro"?

Do you know any malted twirly minors? Perhaps Mitt does. Though, that would probably be a "con".

Doug said...

But you know who scares me more? Ron Paul and his horde of skinheads. (Hmm. Maybe they've been shaved by the Tater Mitt?)

fermicat said...

For the record, Tater Mitts has never flip flopped on anything except a potato.

Jim Donahue said...

Qaro has a point.

The Walsh's said...

Not sure I see believing that Jesus walked the earth as a true con. You'll need more than that to convince the masses...A belief hurts no one. Not even you caped one.

Jim Donahue said...

Didn't say "earth"--I said North America. And I do find that belief deeply odd.

The Walsh's said...

so then do you also find the belief that he walked on earth odd as well?

Jim Donahue said...

No, not at all.

My point: I think Romney is being disingenuous, at best. He's trying to play up the fact that he's religious while coyly deflecting questions on what his faith is.

(For that matter, do you know what he stands for at all--politically speaking? Certainly the platform on which he's running is not reflected in his political life up ti a couple of years ago.)

I don't think a candidate's faith is germane--unless he or she makes it an issue.

The Walsh's said...

Agreed. I like you. I just linked your site...

Jim Donahue said...

Thanks! (And that's a cute kid you've got there.)