Saturday, December 27, 2008

Please put this coupon down and back slowly out of the room. Do not gaze at the coupon. Do not touch the coupon. Do not think of using the coupon.

The fine print at the bottom of the coupon I received the other day from Borders (verbatim--really):
Valid with Borders Rewards membership only. Certain exclusions apply. Coupon cannot be combined with any other offer, including but not limited to "3 for 2," "Buy 4, Get 5th Free" or "Buy 1, Get 1 Half Price" offers. Excludes previous purchases, non-stock special orders, gift cards, newspapers, magazines, comics, coupon books, eBooks, digital downloads, self-publishing programs, Smartbox, Rosetta Stone® software, shipping, and all electronics, including but not limited to the Sony® Reader and the ZuneTM. May not be combined with other coupons, sale pricing, or corporate, classroom, or other group discounts. Original coupon must be relinquished at time of purchase. Single-use coupon. One coupon per customer during the valid period. Void if copied, transferred, and where prohibited by law. Any other use constitutes fraud. Cash value .01¢. Not redeemable for cash. Valid only in U.S. stores and at through 12/28/08 midnight EST.

I am tempted to add: Garnish with Fluffernutter. But that really wouldn't make any sense.


Barry said...

That's too funny; but small print is the sign of the times.

Too bad its often too small to read.

ChefNick said...

They have coupons for reading glasses at Walmart . . .

MsYvone said...


-only $14.95-

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
Tingling in extremities
Loss of balance or coordination
Slurred speech
Temporary blindness
Profuse sweating
Heart palpitations

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Happy Fun Ball


Jim Donahue said...

Where can I get one???

Dave said...

"Cash value" on coupons used to be "1/10th of a cent." Now it's a hundreth. Off to Google.

punkinsmom said...

I especially liked the "Cash value .01¢" followed immediately by the rule, "not redeemable for cash." True genius.