Sunday, December 07, 2008

Smackdown!: El Santo vs. Santa Claus vs. Claus von Bulow

Woo-hoo! A rerun from Oct. 11, 2006. Why? Because a) it mentions Santa, so it's topical; b) I'm lazy; and c) TVB has gotten in the neighborhood of 5,000 hits over the last two days from people seeking pictures of von Bulow, in the wake of Sunny's death. No, I don't get it either.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting El Santo

WHO?: Beefy Mexican wrestler/crime fighter, and star of hundreds of very cheap movies.

PROS: Fights evildoers. Brings joy to Spanish-speaking children and wrestling fans. Gives hope to the full-figured that they, too, can fight crime. Impressively fills out a Speedo.

CONS: Poor fashion sense. His films are boring and poorly made. What is he hiding with that mask, anyway?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Santa Claus

WHO?: Jolly old elf and commercializer of Christmas. Subject of dozens of films, including Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

PROS: Delivers presents. Brings joy to children. Gives hope to the full-figured that they, too, can look good in bright colors.

CONS: Nagging rumors about those creepy elves. Presents often turn out to be underwear. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians marked film debut of Pia Zadora. What is he hiding with that beard, anyway?

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingClaus von Bulow

WHO?: Husband of socialite Sunny von Bulow. Subject of film, Reversal of Fortune.

PROS: Generous in giving sweets to his wife. Role of von Bulow earned Jeremy Irons an Oscar. Gives hope to the psychopathologically social-climbing.

CONS: Wife was diabetic and went into a coma. Whatever happened to Jeremy Irons? Why did Irons believe starring in a film of Dungeons & Dragons was a good career move? Also, do you think Irons has had some work done? Last time I saw him, he looked a little weird. I mean, not Kenny Rogers weird or Burt Reynolds weird, but still.

WINNER: Claus von Bulow. I love getting candy.*

*I realize he was actually accused of giving his wife an overdose of insulin, but that's just not funny. Sickos.


Dave said...

I have just under 25k hits for just over two years! I'm going to do a post as follows:

Nude, Bulow, naked, Halle, skin, sans clothes (probably not a great choice), etc., etc.

Is this going to work in your comments for hits for you?

Jim Donahue said...

>>Is this going to work in your comments for hits for you?

Actually, yes.

And if it makes you feel any better, I'd estimate that 90% of my traffic usually comes from people doing image searches on some variation of the phrase "cute baby monkeys."

A said...

I vote for El Santo!

PS: did you get the underwater fish training activity thing???

Jim Donahue said...

Maybe for Christmas, if Claus von Bulow deems me good. Er, I mean Santa Claus.

ChefNick said...

God, it is just SO obvious who has had work done . . . I know for sure Liza Minelli has been replaced with a mannequin, along with Barry Manilow. It's like breasts (sorry, I know this is a family paper) but who likes to look at stretched, taut melons that haven't seen reality for many years? Not even edible, let alone visualable.

I don't know. Claus looks pretty tired, at least in the picture you posted. I guess his wife was a bit MORE tired. 28 years. I've been in a coma for 45.