Friday, December 18, 2009

Note to self: Dolls must have heads and bodies

Time again for another low-rent Christmas classic, "A Visit to Santa."

I think Santa's been nipping at the Wild Turkey. (Magic Helicopter? Please. No such thing.)

Weirdly, the narrator sounds like David Sedaris doing his excited elf voice in "Santaland Diaries" (albeit in a slightly lower key).

Oh my God ... I just had a Christmas flashback.

When I was four or five-ish, my parents brought me to the parking lot of Billy Blake's department store (a now-long-defunct '60s discount chain) for the arrival of Santa -- in his decidedly unmagic helicopter. He began climbing down the rope ladder when ... the pillow under his coat fell out.

Cries of bafflement were heard from the wilds of suburban Long Island to the North Pole. Mom, thinking quickly, explained that it was not actually Santa, but one of his many helpers.

Confused, I went on believing until the year* I noticed the remnants of a price tag on the box of a board game. Santa, if he existed -- I reasoned -- would have his elf indentured servants make toys. He would not buy retail.

*2005, give or take.

PARENTHETICAL ADDENDUM: Punkinsmom's comment makes me want to point out that I wasn't kidding about the price tag on the board game -- that's really how I figured out I'd been the object of what amounts to a years-long practical joke (somewhat before 2005).

Flying reindeer? Fine! Fat man comes down the chimney? No problem!

Remnant of a price tag on supposedly elf-made game? Now hold one darn minute there, mister!!


punkinsmom said...

Isn't it amazing how otherwise rational and well-meaning parent perpetrate this outright lie on their beloved children? I went so far as to buy special wrapping paper that only Santa used.
It's amazing that there isn't widespread revolt when the kids learn the truth after years of believing. Of course, this does help to explain the ease with which they in turn lie to us as teenagers.

JohnnyB said...

Wait. Santa has a magic helicopter...but he uses a wooden sleigh pulled by reindeer to deliver toys. I'm starting to have doubts about this Santa deal myself. said...

I was brought up not to believe anything until I see it on a filmstrip.

Jim Donahue said...

I looked, but I can't find a filmstrip version.