Prone

In the last five days, I have:

--Slammed the third finger on my right hand in a door (fingernail black and blue)
--Pinched second finger on my left hand in a folding chair
--Dropped a heavy glass on the kitchen floor, shattering it into a gazillion pieces
--Set off the house alarm, and, in my rush to get to the control panel to turn it off, ran into a wall, giving myself a cut on the forehead

If you see me, cross the street.