Thursday, January 14, 2010

Coming soon to a theater near you

According to the Onion AV Club, Hollywood is remaking Dune. I guess that's to be expected. It's a popular book (albeit one I failed to finish, despite two attempts), and David Lynch's version is widely reviled. (The made-for-cable TV version from a few years ago is decent, if obviously low budget.)

What caught my eye in AV's writeup, though, was not that news, but this:
[Peter] Berg, of Hancock fame, was previously set to direct, but has decided to work on the forthcoming adaptation of board game Battleship instead.

Yes, Battleship: The Movie. Furthermore, Ridley Scott -- the director of Blade Runner -- is attached to a film based on Monopoly. Clue may resurface as a film again. And a movie based on Candy Land is already in production. (Candy Land!)

Given my track record for suggesting ridiculously stupid reality show ideas that eventually come to pass, I've decided to turn to this lucrative market. Trouble is, I have no money to buy rights, so I'm stuck with the public domain.

My first project is Tic Tac Toe: The Motion Picture. First of all, who hasn't played Tic Tac Toe? 100% brand awareness! Globally! (I think, anyway! No time to check! Too busy using exclamation points in an attempt to create excitement!) Development work has already begun. TVB lurker Denise, associate producer, has already written the tagline: "X or O--The World Is Waiting." The movie isn't even made yet and already my throat is tight with suspense! Suspense and exclamation points!

If this works, I may option Pong. It's old, and I bet I can get the rights for a song. I'm thinking Johnny Depp as the left paddle. CGI Marlon Brando as the right paddle. Maybe Eddie Murphy in a fat suit as the ball.

Hey, worse movies have been made.

7 comments: said...

I'm going to get to work on the screen play for Chess: Checkmate THIS, Queen!

Mark said...

Um, I think your movie was already made and called "Wargames." That was the main plot of that movie right, how quickly tic-tac-toe one-upmanship can get out of hand and destroy the entire world?

I'm pretty sure that's why they canceled Wink Martindale's Tic-Tac-Dough.

Jim Donahue said...

Thinking ahead: Backgammon II: The Backgammoning

Jim Donahue said...

Now they're stealing my ideas before I have even thought of them?

My throat is now tight with anger. Either that, or I have a throat infection.

(Is that really the plot of WG? I saw it on its original release and dimly remember liking it.)

Will said...

Hey Jim, I have a movie for you. "Risk: World Domination Takes Like Forever" James Cameron to direct. With Mel Gibson, Tyra Banks, and Mylie Cyrus. Can't lose, right?

ChefNick said...

No, no, NO, people!

"Sudoku: The Game Of The Infinite" starring Angelina Jolie as Seven-of-Nine and David Carradine as the inscrutably wise mentor.

Oh wait, he's dead, isn't he? Oh well, they don't care.

Qaro said...

I think Tic-Tac-Toe is the plot of my life! : )