Monday, March 09, 2009
At least, I think that's why they sat in my lap
The Onion AV Club has an amusing article on bad moviegoing experiences.
Here are a few of mine:
--Went to see a Russian kitchen-sink drama (I forget the name), and there was a guy sitting near me who READ ALL OF THE SUBTITLES OUT LOUD to his companion. Yes, the entire way through the movie. I assume his friend was either blind or couldn't read English. Perhaps seeing something that wasn't subtitled might have been a good idea.
--During a showing of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, there were three teens behind me who found everything about the movie absolutely hilarious. By midway through the film, I had a pounding headache. At that point, I turned around and screamed--yes, screamed like a crazy person--"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!" And they did, no doubt assuming that I'd kill them if they didn't. But the movie was ruined at that point.
--Then there was the fellow who sat near me during a showing of Crimes and Misdemeanors and thought it was Woody Allen's funniest comedy ever. He laughed nonstop. (In case you missed this one, it's one of Woody's darkest dramas.)
--OK, this was completely my fault. I went to see Dangerous Liaisons under the mistaken impression that it was short--say, 90 minutes. Not sure where I got that idea. I got to the theater pretty early and sat in the middle of the auditorium. Then the seats filled up, and I had no easy exit. And I drank a large Coke. By an hour and a quarter in, I was dying because I had to pee so desperately. But I figured that the movie was over soon, and I didn't want to climb over the 20 little old ladies who flanked me on either side. 90 minutes passed. 100. 110. (Ohmygod!! Why won't this stupid movie end?!) Finally, at the two-hour mark, I dashed from the theater with only minor kidney damage.
--I saw My Beautiful Laundrette in a small theater with absolutely no lighting along its walls. (You may not notice, but there are usually small lights either along the walls or along the aisle.) The auditorium was pitch dark, and it's not exactly a brightly lit movie. So, at two points during the film, latecomers stumbled down the aisle ... and sat in my lap.
--I went to see Transylvania 6-5000. That's it--I went to Transylvania 6-5000.
Please share yours in comments.