What can I say? Bananas are cheap.

From today's New York Times:

When Stars Twitter, a Ghost May Be Lurking

The rapper 50 Cent is among the legion of stars who have recently embraced Twitter to reach fans who crave near-continuous access to their lives and thoughts. On March 1, he shared this insight with the more than 200,000 people who follow him: "My ambition leads me through a tunnel that never ends."

Good Lord, that sounds awful. Thank heavens I'm not ambitious. Fiddy, take my advice: Party like it's your birthday. (And you know, we don't give a fudge it's not your birthday.)

Those were 50 Cent's words, but it was not exactly him tweeting. Rather, it was Chris Romero, known as Broadway, the director of the rapper's Web empire, who typed in those words after reading them in an interview.

"He doesn't actually use Twitter," Mr. Romero said of 50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson III, "but the energy of it is all him."

"The energy"? It's like he's a spirit not quite ready to leave this earth -- you know, like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense (whoops, SPOILER ALERT!) -- but eager to impart his existentialist wisdom from beyond the grave.

In its short history, Twitter -- a microblogging tool that uses 140 characters in bursts of text -- has become an important marketing tool for celebrities, politicians and businesses, promising a level of intimacy never before approached online, as well as giving the public the ability to speak directly to people and institutions once comfortably on a pedestal.

But someone has to do all that writing, even if each entry is barely a sentence long. In many cases, celebrities and their handlers have turned to outside writers -- ghost Twitterers, if you will -- who keep fans updated on the latest twists and turns, often in the star's own voice.

First of all, I will not. And second, if you're about to tell me that Britney isn't doing her own tweeting, please stop now. I am willing to bet she tweets herself on a regular basis. Though I guess it's possible she has her staff do it from time to time.

Because Twitter is seen as an intimate link between celebrities and their fans, many performers are not willing to divulge the help they use to put their thoughts into cyberspace.

Britney Spears recently advertised for someone to help, among other things, create content for Twitter and Facebook. Kanye West recently told New York magazine that he has hired two people to update his blog. "It's just like how a designer would work," he said.

Oh, God. The secret is out.

Sure, I started writing The Velvet Blog myself. But after awhile ... Look, I have many demands on my time. Do you I think I have time to write this nonsense myself?

No, since sometime in mid-2005, TVB has been outsourced.

Please give a warm round of applause to this blog's real mastermind, Mr. Muggles.



OK, Mr. Muggles, back to work. Time is bananas, bub, and don't you forget it.

(PS: An entire article about Twitter and celebs and no mention of Chris Walken???)