Other headlines I expect to see in the near future:
Robert Plant Says: "Please, for the Love of God, Stop Squeezing My Lemon"
Mick Jagger Gets up Twice During the Night to Pee
Paul McCartney Hazy on Where He Left the Car Keys
Johnny Rotten: Somewhat Mellower Since the Dementia Set In
Tommy Lee Resting Comfortably After 23rd Battle With the Clap
Bob Dylan Babbles Incoherently--Either Has Alzheimer's or is Singing