Thank you for riding The Velvet Blog

No one taller than 4' 5" or shorter than 5' 10" should ride The Velvet Blog.

If you have heart problems, back pain, severe head trauma, gastrointestinal distress, vertigo, monkey pox, ebola virus, anthrax, vague ennui, altitude sickness, colic, sleep disorders, chronic dandruff, gingivitis, varicose veins, schadenfreude, or the heartbreak of psoriasis, you should not ride The Velvet Blog within 12 hours before eating, or within 12 hours after eating.

Pregnant women, women who might become pregnant, men or women who have had mothers who have ever been pregnant, and those who have ever seen a pregnant woman should refrain from riding The Velvet Blog unless they wear chemical-resistant gloves.

Please lower the safety bar in front of you. Then make sure your safety belt is fastened. Then put the padlock on the safety bar. Good. Now, use the rope you'll find on the floor of the cabin to tie the safety bar to the safety belt. Look under your seat for the foam-rubber padding, and wrap it around your extremities. That's it; very good.

Don't worry, it's perfectly safe.

Please enjoy your ride, and come again soon. But if you do return, please note that we cannot be held legally responsible.

Thank you.