Interviewer: Well, where does obscenity begin?
Pop star: It's all in the delivery. I think everyone of age, and even those who are not of age, are enjoying sex. But when I say "Lick the lollipop," I'm trying to make a reference to the male organ that's not disrespectful. People are offended by who says something, not by what they say. When I made "Candy Shop," I thought about how my grandmother might interpret that song. I thought about how my grandchildren might hear it. Little kids think I'm actually talking about candy. When I say, "I'll let you lick the lollipop," they think it's literally a lollipop.
Interviewer: So you wanted to write a song about sex that would be accessible to children, based on the premise that children wouldn't understand what it's about?
Pop star: Yeah. That's exactly what I'm doing.
Interviewer: It's pretty.
Pop star: Yeah, I like it, just been fooling about with it for a few months now, very delicate...
Interviewer: It's a, it's a bit of a departure from the kind of thing you normally play.
Pop star: Yeah, it's part of a...trilogy, really, a musical trilogy I'm doing... in...D minor, which I always find is really the saddest of all keys, really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly. You play a...baaaaa...baaaaaa... it's the horn part.
Interviewer: It's very pretty.
Pop star: ...baaaa, baaaaa, yeah, just simple lines intertwining, you know very much like... I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach. It's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece really, it's...
Pop star: What do you call this?
Pop star: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
Scroll down for answers.
That was pretty easy, wasn't it? Choice B is, of course, dialog from the classic mock documentary ... the, if you will, mockumentary, This Is Spinal Tap. Choice A is hip-hop star 50 Cent, in the new issue of Spin. And why does a 42-year-old suburban gay white guy such as myself, whose taste runs more toward Belle and Sebastian and Nick Drake, read interviews with 50 Cent? I have no answer to that question.