I suspect the little red-haired girl was involved

In the news:

The head of Office Depot Inc.'s international division was fired, effective Monday, for having an "improper relationship" with a co-worker, the company said.

Office Depot said the fired executive was Charlie Brown. It did not identify the other employee or describe that person's job title or fate. --Yahoo

What a blockhead.

Kindle, the great leveler, or: The Velvet Blog goes NSFW

While I always peruse the New York Times Book Review best-seller list on Sundays, I never really paid much attention to the Kindle best-seller list until I got a Kindle. Now I do, and, boy, is it odd.

I'm not entirely clear on what's involved, but I gather that anyone can post a book for downloading to Kindles and charge what he or she wants--many of these self-published e-books are 99 cents. This leads to some truly bizarre pairings of items on the list.

What inspired this post was the juxtaposition last night of the much-hyped Ron Suskind book Confidence Men at #38 and something called Bent Over, by Gia Blue, at #39.

Suskind's book, about the Obama administration, has been unavoidable of late--discussion of it has been on op-ed pages everywhere, and the author himself has been flogging it indefatigably on TV.

Oh, and speaking of flogging, what exactly is Bent Over?

Let's turn to the description on Amazon's page:

Preacher’s kid Becca Naughton has done it now, she’s been called down to the dean’s office for yet another meeting about her lack of focus in class and her obsession with sex. What-ever.

Of course, Dean Turner’s solution seems interesting...it involves a ruler, oral sex and a round of fucking she’ll never forget. Well, at least, not until her next appointment...

Hm. Is is just me, or does that sound a little porny?

Oh, I bet it's just like a Nicholson Baker book--a serious look at sex using porn tropes.

I see Bent Over has received two reader reviews, both five stars! That's promising. I'm sure they'll clue us in:

Most stories I have read here get me wet, true, but this one had my hips swaying until I came along with the female character. My boyfriend wondered why I had such a smirk on my face all day. Wonderful work. I also recommend Daddy's Horny Girl

I truly enjoyed this book. It got me so hot and wet I was lying on the bed reading and cumming hard. I did not want this book to end. I enjoy reading GiaBlue's book... I just enjoy cumming!

Ah, so definitely Nicholson Baker territory, then.

Twelve hours later, Confidence Men has risen two spots to #36. Bent Over is up 12 spots to #27.

Just wait till Chris Matthews has her on Hardball.


9/26 UPDATE: Confidence Men sinks to #44; Bent Over continues its firm, throbbing ride to the top, rising to #24. Clearly, Ms. Blue is beating the pants off of Suskind.

9/27 UPDATE: Blue continues to beat off Suskind, #27 to #54.

Momento mori

Sunday night's Emmy telecast was, on the whole, an above-average awards ceremony. Maybe I just love Jane Lynch (from the Christopher Guest movies and, currently, Glee, which I have mixed feelings about, at best), but I thought she made a dandy host.

But, seriously, can we please, please, please stop abusing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"? I've complained about this before, but who the hell thought that song was appropriate for an "In Memoriam" segment honoring TV folks who'd died in the past year? Did anyone bother listening to the lyrics? Here are the second and fourth verses:

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Does that sound In Memoriam-ish to you? (I was equally puzzled by k.d. lang's rendition at the Canadian Olympic Games, as lovely as it was.) Cohen's meanings can be a bit hard to suss out, but the song would seem to be about a failed love affair, if I'm reading it correctly. Just because it contains the word "hallelujah" doesn't automatically make it appropriate to honor the dead.

Instead, might I suggest Jim Carroll's "People Who Died"? I think it just works better:

Teddy sniffing glue he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Refrain:
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Now, that makes an In Memoriam statement. Perhaps Rob Lowe could do an interpretive dance to it.

Expect this to be a talking point at the next Republican debate

I was flipping channels the other day and stopped on the Fox Business Channel for a moment. Some talking head said, quite heatedly, that if the minimum wage were cut in half, business owners would hire twice as many people. And he was serious.

Using that logic, if business owners didn't have to pay at all, they could hire an infinity of people. If they charged workers to work, they could earn extra income. Problem solved, America!

The one in which The Velvet Blog returns to junior high

An NPR reporter on "All Things Considered" last night:

[Rick] Perry is not a master debater.

Well, OK, but is he a cunning ling... NO!!! Must resist cheap gags ... must resist cheap gags ...