Sunday, December 23, 2012

What's the deal with having an underdeveloped sense of irony?

From the New York Times profile of Jerry Seinfeld (emphasis mine):
One Friday in early October, Seinfeld took a private plane from New York to Kansas City, Mo., told jokes onstage for 75 minutes, then flew to Milwaukee, where he was booked at the Riverside Theater the next night. On Saturday morning he wanted to see “Argo,” so he rented an entire theater at the local movie palace, the Oriental, and watched it with his opening act, Mark Schiff, and his tour producer. “I liked it,” Seinfeld said later on, over coffee at his hotel, “but the ending was a little Hollywood.”

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Fisking "Winter Wonderland"

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.
OK, so far, I'm with you. Bells, snow, happiness: Check, check, and check.
Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song,
As we go along,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
What do you have against bluebirds? They're a traditional symbol of happiness. So the "love" bird has chased away happiness? That seems rather cynical.
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
When you're in town.
If you're walking through a meadow and a snowman asks if you're married, you should probably knock off the eggnog.
Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
This is so weirdly conspiratorial, I can only assume that you're planning on robbing a bank. I've already notified the authorities.
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
Until the other kids knock him down.
Odd--I don't remember this verse. First of all, this is the second snowman you're building in the course of a fairly short song. Face it: You're stuck in a rut. Second, no one likes clowns. Third, those children need to be punished. Otherwise, this is just a glorification of bullying.
When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
Ethnic stereotyping: Check. Why don't you just build a third snowman?

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A very Dragnet Christmas

Warning: This is surprisingly dark. I can't argue with the last line, though, that's for sure.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

This gift is from Jackie/Oh golly, oh shucks/I hope that you like it/It cost 40 bucks

Outstanding Christmas episode of The Jack Benny Program, with a surprisingly dark punchline.

That's Bugs Bunny himself as the harried clerk.

Spam email I didn't finish reading

Have a nice day to you.

I received your contact information from a mold friend of mine.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012


Lazy phrase I'm getting really tired of seeing in news stories, especially headlines. From a cursory search in Google News:

Rihanna sparks outrage after cuddly photo with Chris Brown

Kirkliston bus cuts spark outrage

Power profits spark outrage

London Fans Spark Outrage Over 'Free Palestine' Chants

Caffeinated Cracker Jacks spark outrage from health group

White women in Black face spark nation-wide outrage

Fuel price hikes spark outrage

Facebook arrests spark nationwide outrage

A coyote killing contest in New Mexico is sparking outrage

Paris Hilton sparks outrage as she opens store in Mecca, Saudi Arabia

Hidden California state parks funds spark outrage

Dutch Architects Spark Outrage with Design Resembling Twin Towers

'Jihad' ads on CTA buses spark outrage

'Sandy Supermodel' Nana Gouvea Sparks Outrage for Photo Shoot

Hundreds Of Pardons, Some For Killers, Spark Outrage In Mississippi

India's 'Hitler' stores spark outrage

US Olympic athletes' uniforms spark outrage

Military moms spark outrage by breastfeeding in uniform

Claims that Jesus had a wife spark outrage

Sen. Reid's comments on Romney, Mormonism spark outrage

TV Bosses Spark Outrage As Soap's Omnibus Is Moved To Five Minutes Past Midnight On Saturdays*

My personal favorite:
Pre-Peeled Bananas Spark Outrage

(But at least that's supposed to be funny.)

From now, I beg of you, replace "spark outrage" with "provoke peevishness"--you get the bonus of alliteration!

*No, I don't know what this means, either.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

The British are coming

Jan. 12, 1905

Paul Revere was signaled from this tower.

G.W. Johnson

Click to embiggen. Hit the "postcards" label for more.