I've decided what this blog needs

And that's more news about monkeys.





Is that not the cutest monkey you've ever seen?

It won't accomplish anything, but I felt better

I was checking the news headlines over at Google over lunch, and blundered over a conservative column that just got my blood boiling. (It begins: "John Kerry will lose this election, and he will do so decisively. The defeat will go down as perhaps the only thing this candidate has ever done decisively." And goes downhill from there.) So I sent the writer a note:

That was the best parody of right-wing twaddle I've ever read! Congrats!

And my blood pressue went back to normal.

I guess everyone's doing it

"According to McLaughlin, several recent entries on PrezGeorgeW.typepad.com have compromised military operations, while other posts may have seriously undercut the PR efforts of White House press secretary Scott McClellan." --The Onion. And if it's in The Onion, you know it's true.

This explains a lot

"Third, this bill meets our commitment to America's Armed Forces by preparing them to meet the threats of tomorrow. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. We must never stop thinking about how best to defend our country when we all must always be forward-thinking." --Extract from this morning's speech by President Bush, from a White House transcript distributed to news outlets. Did he actually say this? Did the White House bungle the transcript?


Update: Tape played on Al Franken's show. The transcript is correct.

Just want to point out I don't pick the ads

Something on this page makes Google/BlogSpot think I would like an ad shilling for the Republican convention and candidates on the top of my page (not everyone sees the same ad, though).

So let me put a few keywords on the page that will make a different ad pop up.

Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win! Kerry must win!

There.

And is that Ed Sullivan and John Belushi I spy at the next table?

Correction of the day:

"A BIG thank-you to all the readers who called and e-mailed to point out a mistake we made on Saturday, when we identified the man sitting with Lily Tartikoff at Mr. Chow in Los Angeles as Brandon Tartikoff, her late husband. The brilliant NBC programmer died of cancer in 1997. We regret the error." --The New York Post, Aug. 3

Why children should be encouraged to watch more TV

"[Eleven-year-old Aaron Perez] was bitten [by a shark] while wade-fishing with his family July 25 at Bryan Beach in Brazoria County. It was the second of three shark attacks along the Gulf Coast this year. ... Aaron said he was standing in a school of fish when the shark, believed to be a bull shark, grabbed him. He said he began punching the creature in the gills, as he had learned on The Discovery Channel the day before." --The Houston Chronicle, Aug. 3

We report, you get thoroughly confused

"There was a bounce after last week's Democratic Convention. But it went to President Bush, not John Kerry. ... In the USA Today/CNN/Gallup Poll taken Friday through Sunday, Kerry's support dipped 2 percentage points among likely voters compared with a poll the week before the convention. Bush's standing rose 5 percentage points." --USA Today, Aug. 3

"The new [Washington Post-ABC News] poll indicates Kerry now claims the support of 50 percent of all registered voters, compared with 44 percent for Bush, with independent candidate Ralph Nader at 2 percent. On the eve of the convention, Bush led Kerry 48 percent to 46 percent." --Washington Post, Aug. 3

This just in: The British are coming! The British are coming!!

"Much of the information that led the authorities to raise the terror alert at several large financial institutions in the New York City and Washington areas was three or four years old, intelligence and law enforcement officials said on Monday." --The New York Times, Aug. 3

And if there's anything the Bush campaign must fear, it's voters paying attention to what's going on

"President Bush's campaign plans to use the normally quiet month of August for a vigorous drive to undercut John Kerry by turning attention away from his record in Vietnam to what the campaign described as an undistinguished and left-leaning record in the Senate. Mr. Bush's advisers plan to cap the month at the Republican convention in New York, which they said would feature Mr. Kerry as an object of humor and calculated derision. ... Campaign aides described the period this year as an opportunity to shift the dynamic for their campaigns, because the race is so tight and because voters appear to be paying attention to what is going on. --The New York Times, Aug. 1

WWGD?

I was much amused by this NPR interview with the producer of a new DVD compilation of highlights from Groucho Marx's You Bet Your Life show--clips from the program as well as risque outtakes that couldn't air back in the 1950s.* But I probably got the biggest laugh from something unintentional. After a lengthy conversation about how Groucho would say off-color things to his guests that he knew would be edited out (one of the reasons the show was filmed and not done live), Scott Simon, the NPR host, thanks the DVD producer, Robert Bader, and calls him "Mister Bader." (Try saying that out loud. I wonder if he's also a master debater.) I sat there in my car and wondered, What Would Groucho Do with a name like that?


*To a contestant on the show, a woman with (I think) 20 children:

Groucho: "Isn't that a burden?"

Woman: "Well, I love my husband."

Groucho: "I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."

Mr. Bader (Editorial note: ha! ha!) says that no film of this exchange exists, but he confirms it really happened.