Head spinning

You know, I think I'm pretty Web-savvy, but every once in a while something comes along that's just so freaking crazy that I have trouble believing it's true, and then I find out that it's not only true but that it's been around for ages.

Such is the case for "spinning." No, not the exercise kind of spinning, but online spinning.

Jeremy Duns, a novelist--someone I follow on Twitter, a professional who's made it a priority to root out plagiarists--posted a link to something called The Best Spinner. I'll pause for a moment to let you look at that.

So, spinning lets you take language and tweak it just enough so that you can repost it and not get easily busted for copying. This is an actual practice. I'll now point out this Wikipedia article on the subject. An excerpt (and this is a quote, not a spin):

If the original articles are plagiarized from other websites or if the original article was used without the copyright owner's permission, such copyright infringements may result in the writer facing a legal challenge, while writers producing multiple versions of their own original writing need not worry about such things. ...

Article spinning requires "spintax." Spintax (or spin syntax) is the list of text, sentences, or synonyms that are embedded into an article. The spinning software then substitutes your synonym choices into the article to create new, unique variations of the base article.

Now, you might think that people would be sheepish about admitting they use such software. And you might be right when it comes to the general population, but wrong when it comes to a certain class of online quote-unquote writer. Scroll down the Best Spinner page, and get these recommendations from real (?) users:

I've been using this for the past week and it has saved me both time and money. Before, I had 2 choices; either spend hours writing my own articles or pay someone around $30 to write a single mediocre one for me.

Oh, well, boo hoo hoo. Here's a thought, Paul Fletcher, who appears to be a real person: How about you do something useful with your life instead of being proud of your bullshit?

It has so many great features that I just haven't found elsewhere. I particularly like the 'auto rewrite' feature - it's saved me days of writing copy!

You know what feature I like, Rob Hensen? The Ignore Rob Hensen And Everything He's Ever Written feature. It's built in to my life.

What a time saver - my staff love this tool

Hey, Lou Garcia, did you spin that sentence? Because it really sounds like a euphemism for how your genitals love your genitals but want to cut down on the time spent handling them.

I am a professional writer, specializing in SEO articles. This program has sped up the process so much, that it almost doesn't seem right taking money for the jobs, now.

That's Dr. Joel C. Brothers. SEO stands for search engine optimization--that is, picking words that will stand out to Google and the like. To put it another way (hey, I'm spinning free hand!), Dr. Joel C. Brothers writes words that no one actually wants to read but exist in the netherworld of search engine circle jerks.

And, indeed, that's the common link between everyone quoted on that page--they're all involved in an online reach-around while making the Internet a little less pleasant and useful for the rest of us.

So, spin that, fellas.

Guida visiva pratica per la distinzione fra la pancetta affumicata, la pancetta affumicata canadese, ed il prosciutto canadese

A rerun from May 9, 2006, which was itself a rerun of a post from April 29, 2005, only in Italian. The original was, of course, rerun yesterday. Am I blowing your mind? Happy blogoversary, folks. I take no credit or blame for the Italian, BTW, which was translated by Google.

Pancetta affumicata


Pancetta affumicata canadese


Prosciutto canadese

A handy visual guide for distinguishing between bacon, Canadian bacon, and Canadian ham

A rerun from April 29, 2005--part of The Velvet Blog's eighth anniversary blogstravaganza. Honestly, I wanted to do a book based on this concept, but after doing about a dozen of them, I ran out of ideas. But, c'mon, this is funnier than Poop My Dad Says, and that got turned into a sitcom with you-know-who. Life is unfair.

Bacon


Canadian bacon


Canadian ham

You know you want it

I got an e-mail today with the subject line: Vicodin: you know you want it.

And I thought, brother, you don't know the half of it.  


Hey, I just remembered The Velvet Blog is turning eight this month! My, how time flies. Before you know it, TVB will be swiping my car keys to go visit clandestine raves. (Are they still a thing? Do teens go to raves? Oh, whatever.) This particular post was the first one here, from June 14, 2004. 

In the past, I've spent the month of June rerunning old posts as an energy-saving measure (just like those fluorescent bulbs that no one likes, either). I may or may not do the same this month. We'll see.

Blogger informs me that this is my 1,931rst post, but I think that may include items in draft form but never triggered. Yes, there are some things I decided weren't worthy of being posted here. Hard to believe, I know. 

Reason for infrequent posting

All humor has been sucked from the universe.

Also, I'm busy at work. But mostly the humor-sucking thing.

Random thought

According to Weather.com, the moon is waxing gibbous. I wonder if it considered electrolysis first.

Spam email I never finished reading

Hi Jim, 

I visited your Profile in one of the Social Community sites. I'm aware you are one of the decision makers in the company. ...

Submitted for your approval

Life feeling a little dull? Routine got you down? Would you rather be chased by zombies?

From The New York Times:

On Wednesday the publishing imprint behind the popular undead comic-book series “The Walking Dead,” which spawned the hit AMC drama of the same title, said it would introduce a new live event, The Walking Dead: Escape, at Petco Park in San Diego this summer. ...

Organizers of The Walking Dead: Escape said in a news release that it was “unlike any obstacle course event” in the United States, allowing participants to play “a Survivor and race through the zombie infested evacuation zone; a Walker who becomes one of the undead, embracing the inevitable; or a Spectator who watches the apocalypse from sidelines at the Escape Party.” ...

Those who take part in the event as Survivors must “climb, crawl and slide in an effort to avoid confrontation by hordes of Walkers,” the release said, adding that it “is not a race, and Survivors are not timed, but the end is near, and they must move swiftly.”

Oh, I dunno. Feels kind of like the same old, same old to me.

Now trending on Yahoo

3) Obama Clinton beef.
7) All-you-can-eat fish.
10) Food allergies.

If sock monkeys were classical composers

"Fanfare for the Common Bonobo"
"Peter and the Gorilla"
"Eine Kleine Chimpmusik"
"Hungarian Apesody"
"The Simian's Apprentice"
"The Magic Banana"


(With thanks to Prof. Longnose.)

Your host: An update

Busy, busy, busy. Crazy deadlines at the magazine the next few weeks, so expect even fewer posts than usual.

Other things on the horizon:

Thanks to a friend from college who's an editor at the North American Review, a short piece of commentary I wrote will close out the summer issue of "America's oldest literary magazine."

Previously, the NAR has run work by Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, Edith Wharton, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Edison, John Steinbeck, Kurt Vonnegut, and Margaret Atwood. In related news, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, Edith Wharton, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Edison, John Steinbeck, Kurt Vonnegut, and Margaret Atwood were recently observed spinning in their graves.

Which is odd about Margaret Atwood, as she's not dead.

I'm also about three-quarters through writing a rough draft of a piece dissecting After Last Season. God (or some lesser luminary) willing, it will appear in issue #17 of Cashiers du Cinemart at some point during the summer.

Details to follow, as they become known...