Headline improvements

The latest in a semi-occasional series in which we make headlines more accurate.


David Blaine breaks world record for holding one's breath TV viewers disappointed when David Blain doesn't die, yet again

Obama seeking to divorce himself from former pastor Shoot me. Please. Really, I can't take this anymore.

Inflatable pig lost during Coachella music festival is found The brown acid that is circulating around is not specifically too good

Sign that you're old--really, really old

Foreigner, a band popular when you were in high school, is having its current tour sponsored by AARP.

Could be worse, I guess. "Sponsored by Depend Adult Incontinence Products," say.

I have a bad case of spring fever

How about you?



The guy in this film, however, seems to have had a bad case of magic mushrooms.

Quotation of the Day

First daughter Jenna Bush isn't as committed to Republican candidate John McCain as her parents are, who are firmly behind the party's expected presidential nominee. ...

"I don't know," Jenna Bush said. "I mean, who isn't open to learning about the candidates? But, I mean, and I'm sure everybody is like that. But I really -- I honestly have been too busy with books to really pay that much attention." --The Associated Press

If by "books" you mean "keggers."

My busyness continues

Here, enjoy this video of Harry Nilsson while I try to get caught up:

Are you turned on yet?

God Is My Codependent reminded me this morning of this quote, which ran in a post here last April:

"Everyone likes to hype $4 gasoline because it's sexy," says Tom Kloza, chief oil analyst for the Oil Price Information Service, an energy consulting firm. "The reality is that we're nearing the highs of the year, and within 30 days there will be more gasoline on the market. You might see $4 in tony places such as Beacon Hill or Beverly Hills, where they wear the price as a badge of honor."

Several of the stations around my home went up to $3.75 a gallon this weekend. But I'm just not feeling the passion.

A Handy Visual Guide for distinguishing among eggs Benedict, Pope Benedict, and Benedict Arnold

A semitopical rerun from April 25, 2005:

Eggs Benedict
Distinguishing characteristic: People love to have it with a Bloody Mary at Sunday brunch.


Pope Benedict XVI
Distinguishing characteristic: Loves to mention Virgin Mary at Sunday mass.


Benedict Arnold
Distinguishing characteristic: Got a bloody nose in Virginia after making merry one Sunday.

One more thing before I go into semihibernation

A couple of posts ago, I noted that John McCain includes himself among those who "will not ... abide justice." While that use of "abide" strikes me as wrong according to the way we use language today--that is, "tolerate" -- it's acceptable according to a definition in the dictionary, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

But on McCain's Web site, the quote has been changed (fourth paragraph):

These are often the terms applied to men and women of conscience who will not endure cruelty, nor abide injustice.

Thanks to commenter andbehold for pointing that out.

In praise of Al Jaffee

Yes, I spent much of my youth wasting time reading Mad. Big surprise, right?

Check out this New York Times interactive thingee that replicates online the experiece of the Al Jaffee back-cover fold-in.

The Internet has come of age, folks (if you consider "of age" anything that makes me feel like I'm 10).

Also, reduced posting for the next few weeks. Special issue coming out, blah, blah, blah.

Headline improvements

The latest in a (very) occasional series in which we make headlines more accurate.

--If You Must Fly, Some Suggestions If You Must Fly, You're Totally, Totally Screwed. Totally.

--McCain Unlikely to Rely on Donations McCain Realizes No One Wants to Give Him Money

--Cheney, Others OK'd Harsh Interrogations Cheney, Others Are Some Sick Mothereffers

This just in ...

If you work for a publisher, you can be sure of one fact: Crazy people will send you crazy letters.

Take this fax that came through this afternoon. It starts off having something to do with 9/11. Then, midway in:

We do not want Our Mothers, Our Wives, Our Children, Our grand-children to be insulted, to be lied to, each day of our lives, to have a "mentally-sick" Canadian man, by Name: Hillary Rodham Clinton, with the help of all known, treasonous, Presidential candidates, and all Television News-staffs, through our Nations, knowing Hillary Rodham Clinton is a "mentally-sick" Canadian man out of Calgary, Alberta, Canada!!!! His picture each day on television, campaigning, is an insult, is a lie, to Our Mothers, Our Wives, Our Children, Our grand-children, to us as men, and as human-beings!!!!

Well, either it's from a crazy person, or Obama has really taken off the gloves.

Lighthouse keeping Light housekeeping

I've deleted a few blogs from the ol' blogroll that haven't seen posts in a few months. No offense intended. When you restart posting, let me know and I'll add you back.

Abiding my time

I was watching the previous night's edition of The Daily Show last night (yes, I'm in bed by 11 on most weeknights), and was taken aback by John McCain's words heard around the four-minute mark:

"... agitator, troublemaker, malcontent, and a disturber of the peace. These are terms that are often applied to men and women of conscience who will not endure cruelty or abide justice."

Let's put aside the fact that McCain was giving a speech on the spot where Martin Luther King was shot, even though he voted against making it a national holiday.

The phrase "will not ... abide justice" sounds like an obvious gaffe, and I was surprised when Jon Stewart didn't even mention it. "Abide" means "tolerate," right? Surely he meant "abide injustice."

But here's the thing: "Tolerate" is only one definition of "abide," and it's not even the first one. The first definition is "to wait for: await." And I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that's what he meant. Civil rights workers didn't wait for justice--they worked to make it happen.

But it still hits my ear as totally wrong.

And for those of you who didn't realize that I'm a copy editor, now you know.

Reasons not to blog

--No $300,000 book deal.
--There are 89,378,982 blogs and about 150 people reading them; really, you do the math.
--It causes heart attacks.

News quiz

There's a big invention fair going on in Geneva.

Quick--pick the real invention:

--Microbe-killing underwear that only has to be washed once a year
--Artificial nose hair
--A guitar tuner that automatically senses when your guitar goes out of tune, then turns the pegs until it's back in tune, as you play it

When you have an answer, the story is here.


(Thanks to God Is My Codependent for one of the fake ones.)

"This door was intended only for you. And now, I'm going to close it."

When you have an hour, listen to last week's episode of This Amerian Life, "The Audacity of Government." It's a good one. (Currently, it's on the show's front page. If it moves, just search for the title. You can stream it or download an MP3 file--though I think the free MP3 will only be up for a few more days.)

The concept of a unitary chief executive conjures up images of W. in a unitard.

Pardon me while I go have a drink. Or two.

Pros and cons of living on a piece of property that seems to act like a wind tunnel

Let's do the cons first.

CONS: Our untidy neighbors' garbage gets gets blown to the corner where hedge and fence meet. This morning, I picked up a milk carton and an orange juice container.

PROS: I also picked up a $50 bill.

The Velvet Blog would like to point out that your shoelaces are untied

The Velvet Blog also wonders if your refrigerator is running and whether you have Prince Albert in a can.

And, last, The Velvet Blog would like to offer you this can of mixed nuts.